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BLACK BART

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I swear practitioners of this trade should be automatically awarded full membership in the American Board of Psychiatrists and Bartenders.  The clients are actually much more interesting than their tax problems.  Last week I argued with a guardhouse lawyer (specializing in W-2 forms) who demanded to claim two kids living with his sister for his EIC since she had told him "I've got five, but I only need three for that "UNearned Income Credit" and you can have the other two." He left complaining two perfectly usable kids were "going to waste."

March is more interesting.  Heavy-lifting returns started two weeks ago and it brings out some amusing characters.

#1: 1099-B: What can I do about this?

BB: Nothing. You bought $10K stock back in '01, you sold it for $48K this year, you owe tax on the difference.

#1: No, not THAT.  I mean your $300 fee!

BB: :wacko:

 #2: Elderly clients had to cough up $5K for taxes/estimates.  Very grouchy about everything - quite stern and chit-chat does not appease them.  To wrap it up, I make out payment envelopes for their convenience and (to make sure it gets done) put stamps on them.  Whole mood changes; they're happy as larks :) - never mind tax and my $600 fee - they've scored $1.88 in free postage. :huh:

____________________________________________________________

What a piece of work is a man!   Shakespeare. --- Hamlet. Act II. Sc. 2

And how was your week?

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This week for the first time I am charging "Loitering Fees" for those that I am waiting on information.  This is in addition to my  "Numerous Telephone Call Fees" to the same people.   For some reason this year I have about a dozen all with various excuses as to why they have left their returns with me in a nearly finished state for weeks, even a month.  But it's my fault, I need to get tougher on them with higher penalty fees, not just a phone call saying, "are you mad at me?"  or "did you forget me?"   I'm thinking of going with "hey knucklehead, I gave you an easy task, I guess I can't fix stupid!"   

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20 minutes ago, FDNY said:

Numerous Telephone Call Fees

I have a lady (real nervous nellie) who has called twice a week for a month either talking my ear off or leaving long rambling messages with ZERO information.  She dropped off some missing papers - put them IN my assistant's hand - then called me the next day to "make sure I got them" (no, my assistant used the paper as rolling papers because we now have medical marijuana here in MA and if YOU aren't a valid reason I don't know what is... but I digress, and I'm not serious about that).  Her bill is going up $5 for EACH phone call.

Now, the crazy lady who calls several times a week - we're lucky.  She calls the trustees of her special needs trust (you see, she really *is* crazy) several times a DAY.  They just pay our fee, knowing there is a hazardous duty portion tucked in there.  And *we* are grateful not to them *them* dealing with her daily calls.

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A tale of two new clients. 

1)  Lady bitched about my $150 fee yesterday, which included searching property tax data to set up new rental and the sale of business property from closed trucking business.  She always paid her friend $75.  Always.  Is this the same friend you told me always fixed up your return so you have never paid SS/MC tax and now you have no SS benefits?  That friend?  No, the new one.  The one in FL who is not answering his phone, which is why you're here?  That friend?  Yeah, that one.

2)  Retired gentlemen who came in three weeks ago, 88 years old, had a friend preparer with an actual PTIN who really screwed up his 2014 return nonetheless.  I was sick when I saw other guy charged $40.  I charged $150.  Client wrote the $150 check and also handed me a $20 cash tip.  He came in yesterday (which is not easy, he's pretty frail) to say, "Well, I got my refund check yesterday, just had to come by and tell you I'm now obligated to come back next year if you'll let me."  I gave him a nice hug (not the one where I measure for the grave in the back yard), and said, "Well, then I am obligated to be right here waiting on you."

"Yeah, buddy," he says. 

What I have to learn to do is think about the second client more than the first. 

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11 minutes ago, Catherine said:

I have a lady (real nervous nellie) who has called twice a week for a month either talking my ear off or leaving long rambling messages with ZERO information.  She dropped off some missing papers - put them IN my assistant's hand - then called me the next day to "make sure I got them" (no, my assistant used the paper as rolling papers because we now have medical marijuana here in MA and if YOU aren't a valid reason I don't know what is... but I digress, and I'm not serious about that). 

 

         laughing.png

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2 hours ago, RitaB said:

A tale of two new clients. 

1)  Lady bitched about my $150 fee yesterday, which included searching property tax data to set up new rental and the sale of business property from closed trucking business.  She always paid her friend $75.  Always.  Is this the same friend you told me always fixed up your return so you have never paid SS/MC tax and now you have no SS benefits?  That friend?  No, the new one.  The one in FL who is not answering his phone, which is why you're here?  That friend?  Yeah, that one.

2)  Retired gentlemen who came in three weeks ago, 88 years old, had a friend preparer with an actual PTIN who really screwed up his 2014 return nonetheless.  I was sick when I saw other guy charged $40.  I charged $150.  Client wrote the $150 check and also handed me a $20 cash tip.  He came in yesterday (which is not easy, he's pretty frail) to say, "Well, I got my refund check yesterday, just had to come by and tell you I'm now obligated to come back next year if you'll let me."  I gave him a nice hug (not the one where I measure for the grave in the back yard), and said, "Well, then I am obligated to be right here waiting on you."

"Yeah, buddy," he says. 

What I have to learn to do is think about the second client more than the first. 

Well said, girl - well said.  I've got a couple of those frail #2s too and, like you, I'm pretty fond of them.

 

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10 minutes ago, BLACK BART said:

Well said, girl - well said.  I've got a couple of those frail #2s too and, like you, I'm pretty fond of them.

Well, he and I both knew he'll likely be in heaven this time next year, so it really was the sweetest thing ever.

But that other heifer...

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Yesterday PIA client who calls me all year as if I were her brother has a 35K tax bill because she refuses to pay estimated tax reasoning that "something might change this year."   No itemized deductions, but she asks me if her $30K implants she is getting this year will be deductible.  I said no, unless maybe if you were an exotic dancer, it's really cosmetic.  She argued with me back and forth for a few minutes until she said, "but I need them to eat."  Then I realized she was talking about her teeth.  At least we both had a good laugh.

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16 hours ago, FDNY said:

...she refuses to pay estimated tax...

Your subject's funnier than mine (by the way, I like your Dr. Seuss quote very much), but regarding estimated tax I once inherited a new bank president as a client.  I'd done his predecessor(a smart, reasonable man)'s return and he recommended me.  The first year everything went swimmingly 'cause even though he made scads of dough he paid heavy estimates.  Second year, same income, but, he had decided to forego the estimates (told me this a month before the deadline) and just go with the bank's withholdings. Highly P.O.ed at me and my projected high tax due, he asked "Why?"  Told him "Well, see; if you make so much money then you're gonna have to pay so much tax and you did and you did not pay your estimates like you did last year.  You still have all that paid-for rent property." He said "Well, so what? I've got banker friends who make the same as I do and they pay nothing; why should I?" I reply "Each case is different - your friends may or may not have things you do or do not have which can either help or hurt you."  To no avail; he -- the town's leading financial wizard, advisor, analyst -- decamped and went off to, supposedly, greener and tax-free pastures.

It's an odd thing; I've noticed over the years that the more money people make (usually starting around $100K) and the ego expands, the less tax they expect to pay -- as if success will or should provide an escape unavailable to mere mortals.    

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You would think the more successful, the smarter people would be and understand this basic tax tenet of the more you make the more you pay.  My particular client is quite ignorant of this fact.  She's a real estate agent with good income, paid off rentals, a pension, and husband with 2 pensions, and she runs all over town getting the best deals on 100K CDs.  I admire her fortitude when I see her 1099INTs.  But no tax withheld on anything other than $300 on one of the pensions.  Total income 165K.  So I explain every year and it never sinks in.  I know her over 25 years.  Calls me about every new crazy investment scam she hears about.  So I've given up other than to just tell her the tax bill and listen to her rant and rave.  Just so you know the outspoken person she is, when she met my wife for the first time she said to her "I don't see him with a blonde."  I won't tell you my wife's answer.

She called again yesterday answering my question about a missing bank interest that she didn't give me this year.  She said the bank told her the interest was under $600 so it's not taxable.  Whatever, I have no time for this, I'm just adding it in, one less phone call for me when she gets the deficiency notice.

But she also laughed and said to me, "you know, I like your thinking on the implants, I might go for them this year".  Her husband has one foot out the door so I don't doubt she'll go ahead and try to deduct it for this year.  I'm bracing for a rough 2018 for me.

I should tell her to read some of Dr. Seuss' quotes.

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1 hour ago, Abby Normal said:

Some people never figure life out.

That's the most amazing thing, we all have generally the same experiences with life, have fallen and made mistakes, but some people never learn and continue to repeat the same behavior.   Someone should write a book, "How to Succeed and Learn About Life from Your Tax Preparer, Just Follow the Instructions."

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I got a call yesterday from a client. Went like this:

Client: Hey, I heard there's a new law that allows you to deduct everything you buy.

Me: Everything? 

Client: Yeah, I got some emails that said they have passed some new law that nobody knows about.

Me: Send me one of those emails.

Client: This was some time ago, I probably can't find the email.

Me: Oh, OK, let me know if you find anything on this.

The kicker for this exchange is what the guy does for a living. He's an engineer in a really big power plant.... 

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I am mastering the art of giving clients who like to hang around and chat for an hour when they drop off their documents, and then want to gab for another hour when they come to pick up their returns....The Bum's Rush.

I find that after the ask and answer tax questions, all I have to do is just stand up, smile and head for the door with my friendly hand extended as I show the way.  

There are only a few talkers and I'll try to accommodate when they come to pick up their stuff, but giving them the boot (nicely) means I actually get to eat lunch!

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Keep a couple of boxes of papers sitting in each chair in your office. When they come to pick up their return, don't offer to remove the boxes. Most people will leave faster if they can't sit down. Plus, since you're already standing, it's easier to walk them to the door while they are gabbing. 

Very few people will remove the boxes and help themselves to a seat.

If you really need to spend a little time with them, remove the boxes but place them within 2 ft of then front of the chair. Most people will get uncomfortable if something invades their 30" of private space and so they will stay a shorter length of time. 

But for me, the best approach is to keep them out of the office in the first place (so I can get some work done). That means strategic use of mail, email, and text communication as much as possible. 

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After I bought a portion of another guys tax practice, I replaced the chairs that were in front of the desk.  I went from straight back plastic chairs to some leather-like products from Staples. 

He told after seeing them:  "What did you go and do that for?  You don't want them hanging around!"

I should listen to him.

Rich

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