BLACK BART Posted September 20, 2018 Report Share Posted September 20, 2018 Customer whose retired dad lived with him (had same name except for middle initial) was a Chrysler salesman when the company was struggling financially a few years ago. Good salesman though and, although he usually got paid at the office, corporate headquarters mailed him performance bonus checks (without the middle initial) for two months after year ended. He worried aloud one day about the store going out and Pop said "Well, hell; it's no wonder they're going broke! They've sent me two big checks lately and they don't owe me a dime!" Salesman cracked up laughing, but graciously never told the old boy what it was about. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evan S. Golar Posted September 20, 2018 Report Share Posted September 20, 2018 Interesting story - about 30 years ago I got a new family for a client - parents and 2 teen-age sons. One son also had same name as his father except for middle initial. When that son showed me his W-2 - it had the father's Social Security number on it. Since he didn't have his own Social Security number with him at the time he applied for the job - he knew his father's number and used that - figuring with the same name IRS wouldn't know the difference. 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack from Ohio Posted September 20, 2018 Report Share Posted September 20, 2018 I PLEAD with parents not to name their children the same name as theirs. I have spent a lot of hours cleaning up messes it causes. Jr., II, III, and so on, only serve to cause the child multiple sessions and hours of grief in the adult years. On the other hand, it has be a good revenue opportunity... FYI, my daughter and son-in-law named their son something totally different from his Dad. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BulldogTom Posted September 20, 2018 Report Share Posted September 20, 2018 THE GOLF BALL AND THE SAND WEDGE A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom closet. Then the woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man says, 'Yes, it is.' Boy - 'I have a golf ball.' Man - 'That's nice.' Boy - 'Want to buy it?' Man - 'No, thanks.' Boy - 'My dad's outside.' Man - 'OK, how much?' Boy - '$250' A few weeks later, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - 'Dark in here.' Man - 'Yes, it is.' Boy - 'I have sand wedge.' The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'How much?' Boy - '$750' Man - 'Sold.' A few days later, the boy's father says to the boy, 'Grab your sand wedge and golf ball, let's go outside and have some short game practice.' The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and sand wedge dad.' The father says, 'What?! How much did you sell them for?' Boy - '$1,000.' The father says, 'That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is far more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess.' They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, 'Dark in here.' The priest says, 'Don't start that shit with me again. You're in my closet now! 1 7 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jklcpa Posted September 20, 2018 Report Share Posted September 20, 2018 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted September 21, 2018 Report Share Posted September 21, 2018 Going off for the weekend - maybe I'll have a contribution when I get back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLACK BART Posted September 30, 2018 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 On 9/21/2018 at 6:52 AM, Catherine said: Going off for the weekend - maybe I'll have a contribution when I get back! Alright; you're past due. Where's my joke? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pacun Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 8 hours ago, BLACK BART said: Alright; you're past due. Where's my joke? I agree. Catherine wants to build suspense and expectation before telling her joke(s). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 Remember, you ASKED for this: The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop. He asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.” “Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?” "That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones. He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?” The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track. Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds." The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track. The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage. "This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!" The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over. "What seems to be the problem, sir?" "This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!" The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly. "I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side." Ba-dum-CHA! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FDNY Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 Quote Maybe the assistant thought the expert would like to hear the sound of a wasp being a wannabee. Which brings up another point of interest, Why the bee fall in love....because he found his honey. OK, I'll quit here. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted October 3, 2018 Report Share Posted October 3, 2018 So here's a sample of what happens when my husband is tired and his brain starts in on random associations. We came home this evening, and apropos of absolutely nothing on this earth, he said to me, "I just realized there is no International Fig Line." 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abby Normal Posted October 4, 2018 Report Share Posted October 4, 2018 On 10/2/2018 at 9:49 PM, Catherine said: So here's a sample of what happens when my husband is tired and his brain starts in on random associations. We came home this evening, and apropos of absolutely nothing on this earth, he said to me, "I just realized there is no International Fig Line." He & I could be friends. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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