JOKE OF THE DAY 2/4/2010

[chuck]

An Irishman who has been stranded on a desert island for ten years all alone looks out on the horizon. It is just a speck at first but as it gets closer and closer he rules out a raft , small boat, and rescue ship.

Suddenly emerging from the surf comes a drop dead blonde wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches him and says, "tell me how long since you have had a cigarette?"

"Ten years" replies the Irishman.

With that she reaches over unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve pulls out a fresh cigarette and hands it to him.

He lights it takes a long drag and says" Faith and Begorah is that good."

And "how long has it been since you have had a sip of whiskey" she asks.

Trembling, "Ten years" he replies.

She reaches over to her right sleeve unzips the pocket and pulls out a small flask and hands it to him.

He opens the flask takes a long swig and says "Tis absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts to slowly unzip the front of her wet suit and asks the Irishman, "And how long has it been since you have played around?"

With tears in his eyes the man falls to his knees and sobs,"Oh please, don't tell me you have a set of golf clubs in there too."

[Margaret CPA in OH]

Thanks, Chuck! My Irish in-laws will appreciate this one! They actually have an annual golf tournament which serves as a reunion now going on 41 years.

[cathyan]

The French President is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.

'Hallo, Mr. Sarkozy!' a heavily accented voice said. 'This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Clare , Ireland .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you. We voted to reject the Lisbon treaty.'

'Well, Paddy,' Sarkozy replied, 'This is indeed important news. How big is your army?'

'Right now,' says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eleven.'

Sarkozy paused. 'I must tell you, paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command.'

'Begoora!' says Paddy. 'I'll have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!'

'And what equipment would that be paddy?' Sarkozy asks.

'Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor..'

Sarkozy sighs amused. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured

personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke.'

'Saints preserve us!' says Paddy. I'll have to get back to you.'

Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. 'Mr. Sarkozy, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!'

Sarkozy was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites.. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000.'

'Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!' says paddy, 'I will have to ring you back.'

Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day.. 'Top o' the mornin', Mr. Sarkozy. I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war.'

'Really? I am sorry to hear that,' says Sarkozy. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'

'Well,' says Paddy, 'we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness and packets of crisps, and we decided there is no fookin' way we can feed 200,000 prisoners.'

[Margaret CPA in OH]

Great! Ah, the Irish, just gotta love 'em!