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A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, 'We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!' The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8 year old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly,'Where is God?' The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?' Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, 'WHERE IS GOD?' At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what had happened. The younger brother replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it.'

A question came up about which came first - man drinking beer or man drinking milk. Simple logic finally solved the mystery. Back before records were being kept, it is imagined that two Neandertals were coming home from the hunt. They had already finished painting the story of the hunt on the cave wall and were looking for something to do. One of them said "See that herd of animals over there? I'm going to sneak up on one of them and pull one of those long things hanging down from that sac to see what comes out of it." The other one replied - "If you'll do it, then by golly I'll drink whatever comes out". The answer is simple logic. This conversation would never have taken place if someoby hadn't been driking beer in the first place.

KC, where are you finding these great photos? I love each of them and can relate. I had dogs for about 60 years. Cats now as they are easier but I still have my granddogs! Thanks for sharing and making me smile.

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." Q: What cookie makes you rich? A: A fortune cookie! Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his mother was a wafer so long! Q: When should you take a cookie to the doctor? A: When it feels crummy. Q: What do the cookie and the computer have in common? A: They both have chips. Q: How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? A: There's M&M shells all over the floor Q: What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A: A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie. Q: What kind of keys do kids like to carry? A: Cookies! Q: Why do basketball players love cookies? A: Because they can dunk them! Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? A. A cookie sheet! Q: What is a monster's favorite food? A: Ghoul scout cookies. Q: How do you make Ohio State University cookies? A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours. source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/foodjokes/cookiejokes.html

Just have to share this one. Once had a beagle who did this to our car's front seat.

Your client cannot e-file his 2011 return, Ranger, but must send it to Austin -- unless it costs less to send the hard copy to the IRS 'branch' in the US Embassy in Beijing. (I have a client in Denmark for whom it's cheaper to file his 1040 with the US Embassy in London, England.) If a 2012 extension had been filed (by June 15, 2013), he still could e-file 'this' year's return -- until December 16, 2013 -- as long as his AGI exceeds $0. (Zero AGI returns must be filed as hard copies -- Austin or Beijing or wherever.) Don't forget, IRC Sec. 911 *also* entitles him to claim an exclusion from income for the cost of his housing -- above a certain threshold -- EVEN if he's not paid a housing subsidy. Do you know how much rent/mortgage + utilities + renter/home-owner insurance he pays? The *additional* housing exclusion is there in Form 2555 (page 3, I think), but not exactly obvious. I assume he'll file as a "bona fide resident"? Which grade-level(s) does he teach? E.g., if he's a "primary-school" teacher, he's entitled to the $ 250 above-the-line deduction for out-of-pocket/unreimbursed expenses for school supplies. Hope this helps, TaxCPANY

LUVVED this, KC! Can't believe it hasn't already received 59 notes of applause. I'm gonna forward it to *everyone* on my joke-email lists. Thanks much for 'enlightening' our daily grinds -- as well as your TON of *solid* contributions.

Why is business mileage like Christmas cookies? Same as last year.

I love half-baked humor!! (oops, someone may consider my joke insensitive.... TOO BAD!!)

He can carry it back. It may not help as much as he hopes, because it can not reduce SE tax or penalty/interest. And of course no help at all on the California return, at least until 2013.. Also, since it's too late to file Form 1045, you have to use 1040X which opens up 2008 and 2009 to audit again.