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I know you think I'm making these up. I'm telling you, TODAY is the day for stupid questions here. Lady calls and says, "You have my middle initial as "B". What does that stand for?" Me: "I'm sorry, I don't know. What should it be?" Caller: "Well, my maiden name was "Baker" so that could be right." I have put that initial on her return for ten years...

Q: What's the definition of an accountant? A: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. Q: What's an actuary? A: An accountant without the sense of humor. Q: Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? A: They find bookkeeping too exciting. Q: What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? A: Invite an accountant. Q: What's an auditor? A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. Q: What's the definition of a good tax accountant? A: Someone who has a tax loophole named after him. Q: What's an extroverted accountant? A: One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. Q: Why did the auditor cross the road? A: Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year. Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane? A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way. Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? A: Depreciation. Q: What does an accountant use for birth control? A: His/her personality. Q: What's an accountant's idea of trashing his/her hotel room? A: Refusing to fill out the guest comment card. Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant? A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. Q: There are three kinds of accountants in the world. A: Those who can count and those who can't. Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant? A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he is retiring.