Laugh of the Day

[kcjenkins]

35th Wedding Anniversary

Scroll down.

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table saying,

'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife immediately said "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story:

Men who are ungrateful pigs should remember, fairies are female.

[JohnH]

Good one, KC.

May I add another?

A woman comes home to find her husband sitting on the sofa in tears.

She sits down beside him and says "This is so sweet of you to remember our 25th anniversary. I've been emotional about it all day myself".

He replies, "Yes, I am pretty emotional. Your father showed up at my home 25 years ago with a shotgun and told me that either we were getting married that day or somebody was going to die. You know, if I'd managed to get the gun away and kill him, then with time off for good behavior I'd probably be getting out of prison today."

[kcjenkins]

Of course, I love it when people add their own jokes to mine! Here's another one I enjoyed:

Are You Insane?

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time.

This little test should get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines a patient to be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. We offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

OK, here's your test:

1. Would you use the spoon?

2. Would you use the teacup?

3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon."

"No," answered the Director.

========

"A normal person would pull the plug."

[kcjenkins]

Pearls of Corporate Stupidty...

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."

(Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA )

What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."

(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."

(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."

(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."

(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."

(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."

(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."

(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

[Catherine]

How about this one, given to me by a friend years ago:

Dear Lord,

So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or over-indulgent. I'm very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm going to need a lot more help.

Amen.

[Daune/CA]

Two nuns were driving through a small country area when their car ran out of gas. Seeing a farm house ahead, they walked up to see if the farmer could help them. When the farmer came to the door, they explained their situation. He asked if they had anything in which to put the gasoline.

The nuns replied that they did not have anything. So the farmer said he would check out behind the barn where some discarded items were left. He found an old "chamber pot" (you older folks who remember the outside toilet know about this). It was used during the nite and cold winter weather so you did not have to go outside to the outhouse.

After cleaning up the "chamber pot", the farmer filled it with gasoline and gave it to the nuns with a funnel to put the gas into their car. The very grateful nuns returned to their car and proceeded to pour the gasoline from the "chamber pot" into the car's gas tank.

A man driving by noticed the nuns and backed up his car to speak with them. The man said, "Sisters, I am not Catholic, but I sure do admire your faith!"