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A side question. If the original return has not been filed yet, is the refund deadline two years from when the tax was paid?. Say 12/31/xxyear for W2 withholding.

Jack, you are to be commended for the manner in which you handled the support of your children. Sadly, there's too many men/women who don't fulfill their responsibility to their children. Your support mirrored the support my father provided in a very similar situation as yours. Please keep in mind that the fact that you did your part, regardless of what the ex did, will always be in the minds and hearts of your children. Thus the pride that you (and your children) should and can have should far outweigh any doubts about how the ex spent the funds. She made her bed....let her sleep in it!