Laugh of the Day

[Catherine]

Well, not quite a laugh -- but far too cute - if you don't at least smile at this, have someone take your pulse to make sure you're not deceased.

http://www.wimp.com/bathsloths/

(Note for the link-leery; this one is safe so far as I can tell. It shows a less than two-minute video of baby sloths on bath day.)

[Margaret CPA in OH]

Thanks, Catherine! I really enjoyed that and did, indeed, smile all through it.

[kcjenkins]

http://www.wimp.com/announcepregnancy/

this made me smile

[Gail in Virginia]

I like this kind of post much better than the name calling. Thanks Catherine and KC!

[kcjenkins]

Me too. I think the new forum just heated things up, but then, I know I'm one of the 'stir it up' group myself. Just that this old lady is truly concerned about what is happening to this county, and how it is going to impact my grandkids. I'm trying, though, to keep it civil at all times. Wish they all would.

But will continue to try and add a smile now and then, because we all need more of them.

[Catherine]

Loved the video from KC!! How many, though, I wonder, no longer know the old term "bun in the oven"? That is going the way of the *much* older phrase, "sprained my ankle" as a euphemism.

[Elrod]

The Two best things on this site in months................Geeerrrrrrrrrrrrate..........Lady's..........

[Margaret CPA in OH]

Loved the video and now I am going to be checking that wimp.com site myself. Looks like a keeper!

[kcjenkins]

QUESTION DURING A JOB INTERVIEW:

Why did you leave your last job?

The Company relocated and didn't tell me where...

[kcjenkins]

Brain Teasing Riddles

Try to answer them before looking at the answers -- and all do have logical answers.

- - -

1. A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Which room is safest for him?

2. A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?

3. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and gray when you throw it away?

4. Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

5. This is an unusual paragraph. I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it. It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it. In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out.

[kcjenkins]

Did you try to figure them out first?

Here are the answers:

1. The third. Lions that haven't eaten in three years are dead.

2. This one's fairly lame, but the woman was a photographer. She shot a picture of her husband, developed it and hung it up to dry.

3. Charcoal.

4. It's pretty easy: Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow!

5. The letter "e," which is the most common letter in the English language, does not appear once in the long paragraph.

[kcjenkins]

NOTE PLEASE, THIS IS A JOKE, NOT POLITICAL COMMENTARY !

A Win-Win-Win Situation

Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country lately. Illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, wild animals attacking humans in Florida.

Not me. I concentrate on solutions to problems. The result is a win-win-win situation:

Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border

+ Use the dirt to raise the levees in New Orleans

+ Put the Florida alligators in the moat.

Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?

[kcjenkins]

AIRCRAFT MAINTENANCE

I'm not sure about the "actual" bit, since it has been attributed to the U.S. Air Force, United Airlines, Qantas Airlines, and more. But it's a great old classic about clear communications.

---

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and responses:

P = the problem logged by the pilot.
S = the solution and action taken by engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.

P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[kcjenkins]

A couple were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. They had married as childhood sweethearts and had moved back to their old neighborhood after they retired.

Holding hands, they walked back to their old school. It was not locked, so they entered, and found the old desk they'd shared where Andy had carved "I love you, Sally."

On their way back home an armored car passed by and a bag of money fell out, practically at Sally's feet. She picked it up and not knowing what to do with it, they took it home. There, she counted the money: an even $100,000!

Andy said, "We've got to give it back!"

Sally said, "finders keepers," and put the money back into the bag and hid it in their attic.

The next day, two FBI men were canvassing the neighborhood looking for the money and knocked on the door. "Pardon me, did either of you find a bag that fell out of an armored car yesterday?"

Sally said, "No."

Andy said, "She's lying. She hid it in the attic!"

Sally said, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile."

The agents turned to Andy and began to question him. One said, "Tell us the story from the beginning."

Andy said, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday...."

The first FBI agent interrupted him with a heavy sigh and turned to his partner. "I told you this was a waste of time. Let's go."

[kcjenkins]

A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to
see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word.

She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read,'Billy Bob died'."

Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all 
obituaries."

Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says...

"In that case, let it read, "Billy Bob died - 1938 Pickup for sale."

[jainen]

>>the woman was a photographer<<

Really? I thought she used a mild expletive, then made him take a shower and put on a tie!