Very thought-provoking article

[kcjenkins]

This contains some great points that apply to ALL, OF ANY AGE.  I thankfully avoided most of this as I had the several years after Don's stroke,to sort things, but still had a few of these issues bite me in the butt.  

 

Letter written by a wife after her husband's death in an accident

"Few things I learnt after my husband's death:-

 

We always believe we will live forever. Bad things always happen to others. Only when things hit us bang on your head you realise... Life is so unpredictable....

 

My husband was an IT guy. All Technical. And I am a chartered accountant. Awesome combination you may think.

Techie guy so everything is on his laptop. His to do list. His e-bill and his bank statements in his email. He even maintained a folder which said IMPWDS wherein he stored all login id and passwords for all his online accounts. And even his laptop had a password. Techie guy so all the passwords were alpha-numeric with a special character not an easy one to crack. Office policy said passwords needed to be changed every 30 days. So every time I accessed his laptop I would realize it's a new password again. I would simply opt for asking him 'What's the latest password' instead of taking the strain to memorize it.

You may think me being a Chartered Accountant would means everything is documented and filed properly. Alas many of my chartered accountant friends would agree that the precision we follow with our office documents and papers do not flow in to day to day home life. At office you have be epitome of Reliability / Competent / Diligent etc but. At home front there is always a tomorrow.

One fine morning my hubby expired in a bike accident on his way home from office. He was just 33.His laptop with all his data crashed. Everything on his hard disk wiped off. No folder of IMPWDS to refer back to. His mobile with all the numbers on it was smashed. But that was just the beginning. I realised I had lot to learn.

9 years married to one of the best human beings. With no kids. Just the two of us to fall back on. But now I stood all alone and lost.

Being chartered accountant helped in more ways than one but it was not enough. I needed help. His saving bank accounts, his salary bank accounts had no nominee. On his insurance his mom was the nominee and it was almost 2 years back she had expired. But this was just a start. I didn't know the password to his email account where all his e-bill came. I didn't know which expenses he paid by standing instructions.

His office front too was not easy. His department had changed recently. I didn't know his reporting boss name to start with. When had he last claimed his shift allowance, his mobile reimbursement
The house we bought with all the excitement on a loan thought with our joint salary we could afford the EMI. When the home loans guys suggested insurance on the loan. We decided the instead of paying the premium the difference in the EMI on account of the insurance could be used pay towards prepayment of the loan and get the tenure down. We never thought what we would do if we have to live on a single salary. So now there was huge EMI to look into. I realised I was in for a long haul.
Road accident case. So everywhere I needed a Death certificate, FIR report, Post Mortem report. For everything there were forms running into pages, indemnity bonds, notary, and surety to stand up for you. No objections certificates from your co-heirs.

I learnt other than your house, your land, your car, your bike are also your property. So what if you are the joint owner of the flat. You don't become the owner just because your hubby is no more. So what if your hubby expired in the bike accident and you are the nominee but if the bike is in a repairable condition. You have to get the bike transferred in your name to claim the insurance. And that was again not easy. The bike or car cannot be transferred in your name without going through a set of legal documents. Getting a Succession Certificate is another battle all together.

Then came the time you realise now you have to start changing all the bills, assets in your name. Your gas connection, electricity meter, your own house, your car, your investments and all sundries. And then change all the nominations where your own investments are concerned. And again a start of a new set of paperwork.

To say I was shaken. My whole life had just turned upside down was an understatement. You realise you don't have time to morn and grieve for the person with whom you spent the best years of your life. Because you are busy sorting all the paper work.

I realised then how much I took life for granted. I thought being a chartered accountant I am undergoing so many difficulties. What would have happened to someone who was house maker who wouldn't understand this legal hotchpotch

A sweet friend then told me dear this was not an end. You have no kids. Your assets will be for all who stand to claim. After my hubby's sudden death, I realised it was time I took life more seriously. I now needed to make a Will. I would have laughed if a few months back if he had asked me to make one. But now life had taken a twist.

Lessons learnt this hard way were meant to be shared. After all why should the people whom we love the most suffer after we are no more, sorting some paperwork before we go will at least ease some of their grief.

Check all your nominations:

It's a usual practice to put a name (i.e. in the first place if you have mentioned it) and royally forget about it. Most of us have named our parent as a nominee for investments, bank accounts opened before marriage. We have not changed the same even years after they are no longer there with us. Even your salary account usually has no nomination. Kindly check all your Nominations.

 

Bank Accounts and Bank lockers
Fixed Deposits, NSC
Demat Accounts
Insurance (Life, Bike or Car or Property) and other Investments
PF Pension Forms

Investments:

Every year for tax purpose we do investments. Do we maintain an excel sheet about it. If so is it on the same laptop of which the password you had not shared. Where are those physical investments hard copy

 

Passwords:

We have passwords for practically everything. Email accounts, Bank accounts, even for the laptop you use. What happens when you’re next in kin cannot access any of these simply because they do not know your password... Put it down on a paper.

 

Will:

Make a Will. I know you will smile even I would. Had I not gone through all what I did? It would have made my life lot easier. A lot less paperwork. I wouldn't have to provide an indemnity bond, get it notarized, ask surety to stand up, no objections certificates from others...

 

Liabilities:

When you take a loan say for your house or car. Check out on all what ifs. What if I am not there tomorrow, what if I lose my job? Will the EMI still be within my range? If not get an insurance on the loan. The people left behind will not have to worry on something as basic as their own house.

 

My battles have just begun...But let us at least try and make few changes so that our loved ones would not suffer after we go. We do not know what will happen in the future. But as the Scout motto goes: "Be prepared"

 

NEVER TAKE LIFE FOR GRANTED DO THINGS APPROPRIATE FOR THE ONES WHO DEPEND ON YOU WITH LOVE

[Medlin Software, Dennis]

Always timely advice.  Having watched others go through this, as well as family, our kids have told us to get our stuff together.  We worked through a sucession plan for work as well - as our customers deserve it.  This is something many small operations forget to plan for.  Plan to be replaced!

[FreedomTaxed]

It's too bad that this sort of thing happens constantly, so that the good advice comes only after the event it was designed to soften. When I was 33, I only had a will, which had been made as a matter of course while I was in the military. Even today, it's the same will, but the circumstances under which it would be executed, have definitely changed. Yet I haven't changed it. On top of that, I have significantly more property, and I have concerns about the possibilities of end-of-life circumstances which involve a living will. For example, I've seen hospice care in action, and I'm certain that I want nothing to do with that. I keep telling myself "I'll take care of those this year" but that never ends up happening, year after year.

[kcjenkins]

Hospice was a wonderful option for us in Don's last days.  It's a good idea, however, for each person to decide what they want for themselves, and put it in writing.  

 

The will, however, is not optional.  You have no excuse not to fix that TODAY.  

[Catherine]

 

The will, however, is not optional.  You have no excuse not to fix that TODAY.  

 

If nothing else, go to Legal Zoom (or equivalent) and get one through them.  It will be basic - but it will also be relatively inexpensive, legal, binding, and should do most of what you want.  Once it arrives, take it to the UPS Store or your bank and get your signature notarized.  Done.

[kcjenkins]

And remember that a holographic will [an unwitnessed will and testament that has been entirely handwritten and signed] is legal in about half the states. 

 

You can make a valid handwritten will without witnesses in the states listed here. (A few more states allow sailors at sea or soldiers at war to make holographic wills, which become invalid soon after discharge from the military or return to land.)
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Hawaii
Idaho
Kentucky
Maine
Michigan
Mississippi
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Jersey
North Carolina (if found after death in place intended for safekeeping)
North Dakota
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Virginia
West Virginia
Wyoming

To be valid, the will must be entirely handwritten. Some states also require that the will must be dated as well as signed.

 

I am not suggesting this as a permanent solution, but as a temp CYA option.   

[Cathy]

While outfits such as "Legal Zoom" sound tempting, I whole heartedley recommend having a sit down appointment with a local attorney and let him/her draw up the will.  The first thing in Louisiana that I didn't know was the fact that there is a big difference in an Administrator and an Independent Administrator of an estate.  If the will approves the use of an Independent Administrator, then after a simple one page document is signed by the court, the Independent Administrator is free to basically make all sells necessary, split up assets, etc... and actually close out the estate thereby saving the heirs many dollars in attorney fees.  There are other considerations as well that apply to different states that I would only rely on a good respected attorney to inform me correctly.

 

Our attorney discussed the Living Will situation with us.  He said on his last trip to the hospital for knee surgery, when the hospital personnel asked him if he had a living will, he replied "yes" and then pointed to his wife of 40 years and said she is my Living Will.  "She knows exactly what I want if it comes to that."  I was glad to hear him say that as I have seen several cases of when hospital personnel used a "Living Will" improperly such as holding off on giving a patient oxygen when the patient requested it.  The reason given to the patient was "we can't do it because you have a Living Will".  The Living Will is to be used if the patient is basically brain dead and doesn't want to be left on machines to keep them alive. As long as the patient is coherent and is able to voice what they prefer, the "Living Will" doesn't come into effect.  Very scary situation!!  

 

Those who think they don't need a will are usually the ones who need one the most. 

 

 

[kcjenkins]

Yes, different states sometimes have complications ordinary citizens never give a second thought to.  The average person does not need a complex will, but with NO WILL you do have a will, one written by your state legislature, usually ages ago.  And who gets to make decisions about your final details, if you have not got a will, might be very surprising to you.