Laugh of the Day

[kcjenkins]

How To Give Your Pet A Pill...

How To Give Your Cat A Pill:

1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15. Arrange for ASPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How To Give Your Dog A Pill:

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

[mcb39]

I can vouch for all of the above as regards giving a cat a pill. They are now dispensing cat meds in liquid form with droppers. Even that is a nightmare and takes two people to accomplish.....

[kcjenkins]

Another reason for prefering dogs!!!!!!!!!!! They really are often that easy. Bacon, cheese, and peanut butter are usually all it takes.

[Eric]

I can vouch for all of the above as regards giving a cat a pill. They are now dispensing cat meds in liquid form with droppers. Even that is a nightmare and takes two people to accomplish.....

I find those droppers much worse than giving the pills. I had to give one of my cats amoxicillin from a dropper twice a day for 7 days. Pink froth would come out the sides of his mouth, and he'd shake his head violently covering every surface within 10 feet in a fine pink sticky mist.

I considered wrapping the cat in bacon and tossing him in the air for the dog.

[kcjenkins]

ROTFLMAO

[mcb39]

I also have experienced the frothing. Have not considered the same extremes as ERC; primarily because this cat was newly adopted from the Humane Society and was traumatized enough. KC.....if you love cats (and I know that many people do not); you will put up with a lot of frustration. Our first cat was with us for 21 years and gave us so much love. The second one was with us for 15, but she was a stray so we never really knew how old she was. We finally had to have her euthanized due to kidney failure. We waited a long two years before adopting and have now had Annie for a year. Adult cats are much harder to adapt; but she needed a home and has a totally different personality than any other cat we have ever lived with. We love her anyway and she loves us.

[Eric]

I also have experienced the frothing. Have not considered the same extremes as ERC; primarily because this cat was newly adopted from the Humane Society and was traumatized enough. KC.....if you love cats (and I know that many people do not); you will put up with a lot of frustration. Our first cat was with us for 21 years and gave us so much love. The second one was with us for 15, but she was a stray so we never really knew how old she was. We finally had to have her euthanized due to kidney failure. We waited a long two years before adopting and have now had Annie for a year. Adult cats are much harder to adapt; but she needed a home and has a totally different personality than any other cat we have ever lived with. We love her anyway and she loves us.

Our stray has accumulated thousands in vet bills. He's had chest taps. He's had ultrasounds and x-rays. He was on meds.. six pills a day for a couple years until I decided to ween him off to see what would happen. He's the most loving and affectionate cat I've ever met. Constantly purring, on our laps, following us around the house, and in between me and anything else I might be trying to focus on.

We've also got one from a pet store.. he's a bit of a snob. He's decided that he owns the place, and we're the pets. Much too smart for his own good.

Then there's the one we got at the shelter.. the only one of the bunch that kills mice and moles. He's affectionate as long as you're willing to pet him, otherwise he'd rather be killing things in the basement and leaving their heads/kidneys/tails around for us to find. We live in an old farm house in the middle of fields and trees, so there's no shortage of rodent parts.

We've still got all three, and it's all I can do to keep my wife from bringing home more. "We need an orange one!" she'll say. :rolleyes:

[NECPA in NEBRASKA]

We got out current one at the pound, also. He loves us to death and follows us around like a dog. The only person that can give him medicine is my husband. I don't stand a chance of surviving. We've got a chance to go to Florida for a week next June and the only thing holding us back is whether he will be OK wihout us for six nights. We really need to find a house sitter. He is so spoiled! We just came back from a four day trip and he was furious with my husband, even though we had someone with him every day for at least an hour or two. Our son misses him every night and has to call and leave him messages on the answering machine. The cat is 14, so it's pretty late to get him a buddy, but next time I'm getting two cats so that they can play with each other.

[kcjenkins]

By the way, Eric, I had one that had to have liquid meds, [back in my younger days before my cat allergy got too bad to have one] tried the dropper, got sprayed with the froth, etc. I tried mixing the liquid meds with some peanut butter, then dabbing that on her paws. She licked it off, I repeated, etc. By the second day, she would hold out her paw for it!!! I don't know why she would not touch it in a bowl, but hey, she was a CAT. Don't know if all of them would do that, but you might want to try it.

[Julie]

I can appreciate this, having had to give our elderly cat Smokey medication on a regular basis for the last couple of years. He was born feral, and has lived with us for most of his 17 years. (We were never able to make a house cat of him, though.) Liquid meds are easier to give than pills, but if you have two people, you can do the pills. The "holder" (me) cradles him on one arm, holding both back feet firmly in one hand, and both front feet firmly in the other. The "piller" pries the mouth open, drops in the pill (while the holder resists the struggle!), closes the mouth and strokes the throat. When the tongue pops out for a moment, it's done. Do this too many times, and your cat will disappear for a day or two, though.

At the moment we're missing our cat Baby, who found a way to slip out of the house last week and hasn't been seen since. He's 13, and we've had him since he was a tiny kitten.