kcjenkins Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 A magazine ran a "management quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life dysfunctional managers. Here were the top ten finalists: 1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." 2. "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." 3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." 4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." 5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." 6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." 7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." 8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." 9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." 10. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GERALD Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 In my younger days, I think I worked for all of those people!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RitaB Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 Happy Easter (a bunny story) A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD . The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful beauty shop owner driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM." The beauty shop owner says,"Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny, bends down, and sprays the contents onto him. The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again and again, until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label. It says... "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted April 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 Very cute, and great timing. Hope all that waving does not slow him down too much. I've two grandkids who are looking forward to his visit this Sunday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RitaB Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 Very cute, and great timing. Hope all that waving does not slow him down too much. I've two grandkids who are looking forward to his visit this Sunday. I love Easter! (This whole week, except for the people. Haha!) My kids are 21, 17, 16 and I have candy and fun stuff to make treat bags for them. We are having three performances of a drama at church, and I am soooo looking forward to Sunday. (I am NOT in the production.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasdlm Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 My 3 year old son is excited, but I wasn't very clever, and he found the bag of little toys that I had purchased for his Easter Basket (luckily, no themed items, chocolates bunnies, or eggs, so he is none the wiser). Now this bunny has to find a time between now and Sunday a.m. to 'restock'. Sheesh . . . I actually bought the stuff back in February and felt pretty smug about how organized and ahead of the game I was. Then I proceeded to leave the bag in the middle of my bedroom floor. (Anyone else not cleaned house for over a month?) Worked fine until this past weekend, when he walked over (while I was standing right there but not focusing well), peered into the bag, squealed with delight and said 'look Mommy'! I am cranking through returns and pushing myself to the absolute limit. I really hope I get enough done by Saturday morning to feel that I can take him down to my parents Saturday afternoon (3 hour drive) for egg coloring, overnight, egg hunting, church, and Easter dinner. Back to the grind! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L.S. Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 My 3 year old son is excited, but I wasn't very clever, and he found the bag of little toys that I had purchased for his Easter Basket (luckily, no themed items, chocolates bunnies, or eggs, so he is none the wiser). Now this bunny has to find a time between now and Sunday a.m. to 'restock'. Sheesh . . . I actually bought the stuff back in February and felt pretty smug about how organized and ahead of the game I was. Then I proceeded to leave the bag in the middle of my bedroom floor. (Anyone else not cleaned house for over a month?) Worked fine until this past weekend, when he walked over (while I was standing right there but not focusing well), peered into the bag, squealed with delight and said 'look Mommy'! I am cranking through returns and pushing myself to the absolute limit. I really hope I get enough done by Saturday morning to feel that I can take him down to my parents Saturday afternoon (3 hour drive) for egg coloring, overnight, egg hunting, church, and Easter dinner. Back to the grind! Cute! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 LOVED the stories and I definitely worked for more than a few of those doofuses (doofi?), LOL! And I sent the EB story on to some friends... Catherine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
michaelmars Posted April 9, 2009 Report Share Posted April 9, 2009 A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat . As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?" She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston " He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?" "Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really?" he said....... "And what kind of myths are there?" "Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck." Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name." "Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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