kcjenkins Posted September 6, 2013 Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 19 Jokes Only Grammar Nerds Will Understand The difference between knowing you’re shit and knowing your shit. http://www.buzzfeed.com/aj8/19-jokes-only-grammar-nerds-will-understand-cfe3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 6, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 6, 2013 Posting just a few, for those who don't click on links. Hope you like these, Tom. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxxcpa Posted September 7, 2013 Report Share Posted September 7, 2013 Sign in men's room: We aim to please. You aim too, please. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack from Ohio Posted September 8, 2013 Report Share Posted September 8, 2013 A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner: "Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's Debutante Ball. I would like... you to send four well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress uniforms to attend the dance." "They should arrive promptly at 8:00 PM prepared for an evening of polite Southern conversation. They should be excellent dancers, as they will be the escorts of lovely refined young ladies. One last point: "No Jews please." Sending a written message by his own yeoman, the captain replied: "Madam, thank you for your invitation. In order to present the widest possible knowledge base for polite conversation, I am sending four of my best and most prized officers." "One is a lieutenant commander, and a graduate of Annapolis with an additional Masters degree from MIT in fluid technologies and ship design." "The second is a Lieutenant, one of our helicopter pilots, and a graduate of Northwestern University in Chicago , with a BS in Aeronautical Engineering. His Masters Degree and PhD. In Aeronautical and Mechanical Engineering are from Texas Tech University and he is also an astronaut candidate." "The third officer is also a lieutenant, with degrees in both computer systems and information technology from SMU and he is awaiting notification on his Doctoral Dissertation from Cal Tech." "Finally, the fourth officer, also a lieutenant commander, is our ship's surgeon, with an undergraduate degree from the University of Georgia and his medical degree from the University of North Carolina . We are very proud of him, as he is also a senior Fellow in Trauma Surgery at Bethesda ." Upon receiving this letter, Melinda's mother was quite excited and looked forward to Thursday with pleasure. Her daughter would be escorted by four handsome naval officers without peer (and the other women in her social circle would be insanely jealous). At precisely 8:00 PM on Thursday, Melinda's mother heard a polite rap at the door which she opened to find, in full dress uniform, four very handsome, smiling Black officers. Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, "There must be some mistake." "No, Madam," said the first officer. "Captain Goldberg never makes mistakes." 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2013 LOVE IT !!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Terry O Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 :spaz: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elrod Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 I wish I was on, furlough..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxxcpa Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Another non-racist joke: Back in the days of segregation, a white man walked into church and saw a black man. "You had better get out of here. Don't you know this is a church for whites only?" The black man replied, :"I'm just here because I was hired to clean the floor." "Well, I guess that's all right then--but don't let me catch you praying here!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Funny thing, I did not see Jack's joke as racist, I saw it as the opposite, as the winners were the black officers with the impressive resumes. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 BTW, if anyone wants to watch that $10K IRS spoof of the Apprentice, here's a link http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/09/06/youre-fired-irs-blew-10k-on-apprentice-parody-video/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Taxed Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 >> Her mouth fell open, but pulling herself together, she stammered, "There must be some mistake." I guess it is in the eye of the beholder? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack from Ohio Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Funny thing, I did not see Jack's joke as racist, I saw it as the opposite, as the winners were the black officers with the impressive resumes. I thought the joke placed the pompous mom as the racist... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxxcpa Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Funny thing, I did not see Jack's joke as racist, I saw it as the opposite, as the winners were the black officers with the impressive resumes. So did I. What makes you think anyone thought it was racist. I saw it as a non-racist joke just like the "non-racist" joke I posted. The first time I heard the Captain Goldberg joke, Goldberg was a lieutenant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxxcpa Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 While passionately making love, the couple was interrupted by the phone ringing. The girl answered it, returning to bed a few seconds later. "Who was that?", her companion asked. "My husband," she replied. "He wanted to tell me he'll be out late because he's playing poker with you and some of the other fellows." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxxcpa Posted September 9, 2013 Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 -- How to live forever A man is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. A genie appears and tells him he has been granted one wish. The man thinks for a moment and says, "I want to live forever." "Sorry," said the genie, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life." "OK, then, I want to die after the government balances the budget and eliminates the debt. "You crafty little bastard," said the genie. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 9, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 9, 2013 Actually, the only 'offensive' part to me was the "southern" stereotype. I'm used to it, but as a southerner myself, it still irks me a little. I grew up in the south while segregation was still in place, starting college in 1960 yet I have had black friends not only visit but stay in my home overnight, my kids [now in their 40's] had black friends without even thinking about it, one even dated a black girl for a while during his college days. Today's south is a totally different place, indeed, most southern towns are less racially segregated than northern cities today. But, hey, let's not get worked up about a joke, friends. Even a 'dated' one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taxxcpa Posted September 11, 2013 Report Share Posted September 11, 2013 I was in the Air Force stationed in Texas when segregation was still the law. However, on the base there was no segregation. One day I was auditing the Base Library and shooting the bull with the Black sergeant who worked in the library. About 10:00 A.M. he said "Let's go get a cup of coffee." I had no objection to having coffee with him, but I wondered, "What will other people think?" Then I realized that Whites and Blacks often drank coffee together at the PX and realized that no one who saw us would think there was anything wrong with a White and a Black socializing. When I was in college, the school was segregated, but we had one obviously Black student who was classified as a Puerto Rican. In Texas there was more prejudice toward Hispanics than toward Blacks. Interestingly, two of the most successful people who attended my grammar school were the only Hispanics in the school. They were brothers, one who later became a four-star general and the other one later became Secretary of Education in the president's cabinet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 http://www.wimp.com/puppybroccoli/ 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack from Ohio Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 http://www.wimp.com/puppybroccoli/ This is Lachanophobia. The treatment for Lachanophobia is Psychotherapy, behavioral therapy, and medication to treat anxiety. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcjenkins Posted September 12, 2013 Author Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 very funny ad http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_yL5KeNtUQ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margaret CPA in OH Posted September 12, 2013 Report Share Posted September 12, 2013 Awwww.... what a cute puppy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted September 13, 2013 Report Share Posted September 13, 2013 http://www.wimp.com/puppybroccoli/ There have been times when I have felt that way about broccoli myself! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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