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A couple of years back a client called asking me about that same matter. He had been told to convert all his retirement money to gold. Not gold funds or anything of that sort, , but to actually buy gold to keep on hand. When I asked him why he would do that, he began to describe some sort of scenario whereby the dollar becomes worthless, the social order breaks down, and nothing has any value. I told him if that happens he won't need gold - the only metal which would have any value would be lead.

Unicorn Stew! 1. Trap, disembowel and flay one unicorn. 2. Chop into bite size pieces with field axe. 3. Catch and preserve tears, useful in treating blisters, vapors and melancholy.... 4. Add onion and garlic to taste, and one field hare or two bunnies. Be tidy, though, as many people don't like hare in their stew. BWAAAAAHAHHHAHHAHA! You saw that coming, didn't you?

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. Quick, quick! shouts Sister Mary Agnes, What should we do? Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination, says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. What shall I do now? she shouts. Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican, replies Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. Now what? shouts Sister Mary Agnes. Show him your cross, says Sister Mary Vincent. Now you're talking, says Sister Mary Agnes. She opens the window and shouts, Get off our car, ya little bastard!

Then there was the Irish gay couple -- Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick. Ba dum CHA.

Sadly, many times these are the same people squandering money they really can't afford to waste on Lottery Tickets, all in the vain hope of scoring the big jackpot.

A man walks stumbling out of a gentlemen's club, and as soon he gets out of the door a nun is passing by and the man starts doing what seems to be the sign of the cross all drunk. The nun stops and starts yelling at him, how dare you make the sign of the cross coming out this filthy establishment, the man barely able to stay on his feet replies, I was not making the sign of the cross, I was saying to myself think, then I checked my right had shirt pocket for my keys, then I checked left hand pocket for my wallet, then I checked to make sure my zipper was up and finally I check my lips to make sure I didn't have any lipstick.

Absolutely! For some reason the Iraqi Dinar scam got entrenched among some church groups, and I had to stifle my laughter when trying to rationally explain to several people the folly of listening to that garbage. A couple of times I told people they would get a longer-lasting return by investing in "diners" (or even "dinners") rather than "dinars". Generally speaking, they didn't appreciate the humor, but (as one would guess) that didn't stop me.

I think I'm going to write a book someday. The title will be "How to Make A Small Fortune Day Trading" Chapter 1: Start With A Large Fortune Chapter 2: Begin Day Trading Chapter 3: Stop When You Have A Small Fortune Chapters 4, 5, and 6 : Go Back to Chapter 3 !!! Chapter 7: Self-Explanatory

If she continues day trading for very long, it's likely that she won't be able to afford your fees no matter what they are.