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The Perfect Husband Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to Talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: "Hello" WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?" MAN: "Yes." WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's Only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?" MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much." WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw One I really liked." MAN: "How much?" WOMAN: "$90,000." MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Janie and Found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're Asking $980,000 for it." MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably Take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really Want." WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!" MAN: "Bye! I love you, too." The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in Astonishment, mouths wide open. He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

not that funny - i think the phone was mine

Water off a duck's back, IMO. I had an incident a few years ago in which someone at church asked my advice on a tax matter related to the church's day care center. I didn't tell her what she wanted to hear, so she asked someone else, got advice more in line with what she wanted to do, and she proceeded to do what that second person advised. (The second person's advice was wrong, wrong, wrong). Sometime later, she interrupted a conversation I was having with another church member to tell me what she had done (I think to get some cover in case her wrong decision came to light). After the conversation ended and she walked away, the other church member asked me if it bothered me to give correct advice and then see someone do the opposite. I replied that it doesn't bother me one bit. After all, people often pay me good money for advice that they refuse to follow, so why should I care what someone does with it when it's free?

God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired, "Where have you been?" God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made." Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused." God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things." God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice." The Archangel , impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?" "That's Texas , the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Texas are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace, and producers of good things." Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance." God smiled, "I will create Washington , DC . Wait till you see the idiots I put there."

"I was in the neighborhood and thought I would drop by to ask: Have you have tried to call us?" I've had their stuff for six days, and I told them I was two weeks behind when they dropped off. Been clients for seven years. SAME thing every year. Edit: So, I finish the return today and call. I hear this: "The person you have called has a mailbox that is full and cannot receive messages."

Of course this is all subject to "artistic interpretation!" My Grandma, used to have "drawing salve" for those pesky irritating bumps...??

Or maybe Last Place, since he said he had a 'drawing disability'?

This is so good - and so needed! RitaB, you are funnier than anyone I know RAMing to the place of virtual memory - just priceless! Keep it up and keep sharing. My clients are ever so boring compared to yours.