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Heavenly Bran Muffins An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to the wife's interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed," the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied, "this is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven, you play for free." Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part -- you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like, and you never get fat or sick. This is Heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"

Chocolate Chip Cookies for Scientists Ingredients: 532.35 cm3 gluten 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3 4.9 cm3 refined halite 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10) To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients 1, 2 and 3 with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients 4, 5, 6, and 7 until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient 8, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient 9 and 10 slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction. Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium. Enjoy!

>>57% of Americans<< Or, rather, 570 Americans. How and why were these Americans chosen to answer the survey? Anyway, how credible is a survey methodology that asks about something that doesn't exist and never could exist, so the responses are backed by no commitment whatsoever? The sponsors of this survey are two news bureaus with a HUGE stake in dramatic disconnects between Congress and the constituents. What I can't figure out is why they had to contrive a story like this, instead of just honestly reporting what's going on.

Here is the text.... McCain hopes $1 coin leads to bigger tips for strippers Posted by CNN's Bryan Koenig (CNN) If Congress passes the COINS Act replacing the $1 paper bill for a coin, the U.S. government may be able to save billions in printing costs at the expense of a little more jangle in the average consumers' pockets. But what about the strippers? That's what The Hill newspaper asked one of the bill's co-sponsors, Sen. John McCain, in a piece published Thursday. The question came from a separate 2011 story where the publication suggested strippers could suffer in a bill-less economy, with G-strings and garter belts far less accommodating of cold metal. For his part, the Arizona Republican responded in stride in a Capitol Hill hallway. "Then I hope that they could obtain larger denominations," McCain reportedly told The Hill. According to The Hill, the 76 year-old McCain started answering questions from another reporter before a smile spread across his face and he shouted down the hallway to The Hill, "Fives, tens, one hundreds!" McCain's office did not respond to a request for comment. Officially called the Currency Optimization, Innovation, and National Savings Act, the COINS Act has been put before Congress multiple times in recent years. In the Senate it was most recently introduced in June as S.1105 by Tom Harkin, D-Iowa. McCain's fellow co-sponsors in the Senate are Michael Enzi, R-Wyoming, and Mark Udall, D-Colorado. If passed, the bill would require Federal Reserve banks to stop circulating paper $1 bills within five years of the COIN Act going into effect. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Here we go again!! Liberals putting the "convenience" of a VERY SMALL group of people in the United States as a reason to derail an absolutely smart economic move. I wish, at least once, someone from that group who object would come up with an objection with at least a tiny bit of logic and reason. (Maybe I expect too much out of that group?)

Extensions, extensions, extensions. You started a partnership? You moved to Singapore half-way through the year? You hired a Japanese national with a 3-year work visa? You need all five returns yesterday to refinance? You found more deductions for 2011? You didn't know you had $50,000 in interest during 2011? You want me to do your payroll starting 1 July, as in over three weeks ago? You have your dozens of K-1s now, including those you sold and partially sold and bought, so you expect to pick up your return today? You have your third correction of your 1099-B with 99 double-sided 8 point font pages, so you expect to pick up your return today? My clients are just as crazed, but I'm procrastinating more. I spent the beginning of July on Appalachia Service Project in Washington County, VA. We helped our daughter move a couple of weekends ago and attended her housewarming party last weekend (which is where I picked up the Singapore couple, cousin of her boyfriend). Maybe I'll actually get a few more returns complete before we leave for my husband's annual family reunion in July on the Cape.

I wish I could be lazy. Work is still there. I've been tackling lots of returns on extension (many brought in on April 10 or later), doing them to the point where I know what info is still needed. And how many of those clients have delivered the info? You guessed it. They'll wake up October 10. Except, of course, those clients who suddenly need to refinance their business or home or whatever. They show up will all the missing info and start calling the next day to see if their return is done. I keep repeating to myself "your problem is not my problem." I refuse to let them stress me outside of tax season. There's also the estate and trust returns with their own deadlines. The gift tax returns where no tax is due so being a little late doesn't matter that much. I do find that the clients I'm working on at this time of year tend to be disorganized and their returns are complex. I just finished one who had NINE LLCs (each with its own issues), two with foreign income exclusions, one whose "Quickbooks accounting" consists of nothing but his bank statements, a couple theft losses (internet scams, had four others during the season), a partnership that just dissolved, etc. Good thing it's off season so there's time to do the research. Oh, and lots of amendments--everything from really late corrected brokerage statements (or corrections to the corrected ones) to people suddenly finding yet more student loan interest or property taxes. What's nice, though, is that the pace is so much different. Hours 9 to 5, no 7 days a week (actually trying to do four). Coming home, having a real dinner, and then being interested in booting up the computer. During tax season I have no interest in my personal computer after staring at one all day and half the night. Like others here, I too am behind in so many things that just got pushed aside during tax season. I will not stress, I will get to them when I get to them, and who wants to bet how many of them actually get done by the time 2014 filing season is here? Is it just me?

To continue the family pride theme KC has us started on, from Jumbo Joke dot com: The Phases of Parenthood When You Find Out 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes. Preparing for the Birth 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month. The Layette 1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 3rd baby: Sure, boys can wear pink. Worries 1st baby: At the first sign of distress you pick up the baby. 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. Pacifiers 1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it. 2nd baby: When the he pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. Diapering 1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not. 2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed. 3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. Activities 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and to the dry cleaner. Going Out 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times. 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood spraying. At Home 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. Photography 1st baby: You take photos of every milestone in the baby's life, including spitting up, skinned knees, meeting grandma, and more. 2nd baby: You try to take photos at least once a year. 3rd baby: He looks enough like his brother that taking photos is redundant. Posted June 22, 2007 8:00 AM - See more at: http://www.jumbojoke.com/the_phases_of_parenthood.html#sthash.Jncu5E6G.dpuf