N/T - Dear Client

[jklcpa]

Dear Client,

Why couldn't you listen when I told you on several occasions to not fill in the blank here?  Why don't you EVER listen?  /rant /sarcasm

 

Folks, if you see a mushroom cloud coming from my area, it's only my client reacting to the email I sent.  Maybe we'll make the news.  Client created a really nice (more sarcasm) dividend for himself out of his C corp. 

 

Feel free to add your own rants below.

[jklcpa]

I might as well tack this rant on here too:

Dear Still-sort-of-sick-body-on-the-mend,

After being sick for 2+ days and sleeping almost straight through for more than 30 hours, why did you have to decide that all sleep would come to an end at 4 a.m.?  A little consideration, please!

[rfassett]

Wow!  Dear Client letters and it is not even tax season yet.  Hope your day gets better!  Merry Christmas!  Oh - and you have no ownership in the client's doing when they act contrary to what you tell them.  That mind-set has helped keep me sane (or at least very close to the border) for the last few years.  Took me many years to come to that realization.

Again - Merry Christmas to you and yours!

[RitaB]

Dear Client:  Thank you for calling me to tell me you had another call yesterday: "Hello. This is the Internal Revenue Service with a message for (pause) YOU."

No, IRS policy has not changed within the past two weeks.  Yes, this is STILL not IRS, and IRS will STILL not call (pause) "YOU". They will send "YOU" a letter with your actual NAME on it. The information in the letter may be completely wrong, so bring it to "ME," but your NAME will be correct.  I will call "YOU" when this changes.  Yes, "YOU" will be the first to know.

[Catherine]

I absolutely ADORE the "Dear Client" letters and over the years have saved several of them in a file that I read when I need a laugh.  

To back up @rfassett's comment above, I have to keep reminding myself (and/or re-learning the hard way every couple of years) that I simply can NOT care more about my client's taxes/accounting/whatever than they do themselves.  

 

That said, "Dear Client,  Thank you SO very much for dropping off all your tax documents for 2014 at my back door yesterday.  I particularly appreciate that you have, at long last, claimed also to have included the information for the 1099-MISC's that were due to be mailed by 1/31/2015.  You may note that I said "claimed" and that is because I have not yet BOTHERED to open said package.  For all I know it has a stale cheese sandwich in it and not much else.  I hope its contents are worth more to me than a stale cheese sandwich but frankly don't hold out much hope for that.  By the way, I won't be looking at it this week.  Or next.  I'm busy.  Toodles!"

[RitaB]

Dear Client:  Thanks a bunch for coming in (surprise!) on Christmas Eve Eve to get me to figure the tax on the gain from the sale of stock you are about to make.  A phone call would have been too easy.  Thanks also for not having a clue about your basis; it's overrated anyway. Psshh.  Thanks most of all for telling me you will save $10,000 "just in case" after I figured that the tax will be $6,000 if your basis is zero.  Your confidence in my advice is appreciated.

[Elrod]

Dear Client,

I use my judgment in resolving questions where the tax law is unclear or where conflicts may exist between the taxing authorities. Unless you instruct me otherwise, I resolve such questions in your favor whenever possible. However, the opinion I express does not bind the Internal Revenue Service (IRS). Thus, I cannot guarantee the outcome in the event the IRS challenges my opinion. You remain responsible for any tax or related liabilities resulting from an adverse IRS or judicial decision.

[BulldogTom]

Dear Client,

I am so happy to hear that your spouse has finally retired.  Nice to hear about the severance and the rollovers and distributions from your retirement accounts.  Remember when we talked about this in April (while completing your tax return at the last minute) and I asked you to set up an appointment with me in the summer to go over your potential tax considerations these moves?  Asking me to cancel my Christmas Travels to meet with you and your husband to go over this is totally not going to happen.  You have a Merry Christmas too.

Tom
Newark, CA

[jklcpa]

Dear Client's Investment Advisor,

How come you and client both called in early Nov about withholding from the RMD, both got my messages about the Fed AND state amounts, and only managed to withhold Federal tax when one of the points of your call was to tell me that withholding state taxes was possible this year?  How did you manage to not withhold any state tax even though I gave you the exact amount in dollars and as a percentage? How is that we've talked about an annuity payout at least 5 or more times this year, went over the gross, withholding and net numbers each time, and yet you still failed to tell me that the a portion of an amount that was to be Federal withholding was shifted to the state?  Why don't YOU tell the client that she will owe taxes, either on estimate or with the returns since this was your doing?  Oh, you want me to project 2016's tax liability and adjust that annuity withholding now when you can't give me solid data for 2015 without the numbers continually changing like shifting sands under my feet?  Why did you set up the annuity payment to be in very early March of each year when you know this is a complex return that couldn't possibly be ready or projections done before the distribution is made?  Why must you wait until the very last week of the year to make the other RMD? No it's not an inconvenience at all.  Remember how you stubbornly insisted that you wanted to control the timing of the RMD each year and not set it up for automatic calculation and payment through your computer's system, and then that very first year you completely forgot to make any RMD to this client?  Remember how in Jan 2013 you nervously called me and asked about the provision that would allow the RMD to be paid to a charity to get your behind out of trouble for the 2012 missed distribution?  Remember how unhappy our client was about giving that to charity?  Remember, do you?

 

Client is presently out of area for the holiday, and if she decides to stay on beyond the 4th quarter estimate due date, at least I know that she has enough paid in that she won't be subject to an underpayment penalty.  I thought I gave up babysitting as a teenager.