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Dear Client: No, I will not just 'quickly glance over' the return you did on Turbo Tax just to make sure 'you didn't miss something major'. I am, however, glad to hear that doing taxes is really easy because all you have to do is 'punch in the numbers, and the computer does it for you'. Why don't you hang a shingle? Ever so sincerely . . .

P. S. I will call you the minute your return is done. I anticipate that it will be Saturday at 6:00 am.

Isn't that the truth? Rita has it covered. Why is it that this particular week of the year everyone decides to call and ask if their taxes are done. I am beginning to sound like an echo saying "There are forty ahead of you!" And.........they just keep coming.

Dear Client, You win the "Least Likely to Successfully Cheat Award" after giving me information from your mileage "log" that indicates that you have THREE business vehicles that get 2.7 - 4.1 miles per gallon. Congratulations.

You can keep him around if he has other redeeming qualities, but don't spend too much time with him during tax season!

How about the client who wants to know why I didn't take the credit for the heat pump she bought last year. Answer -- you had zero tax to begin with. Diane

Now I know Mike is kidding, just pulling chains, so please do not start flaming him. Actually, we all know that the CPA designation has relativity little tax requirements, and lots and lots of auditing requirements, as it should. A CPA's primary purpose is to be the eyes and ears of the the Public who owns stock in businesses that they are not personally involved with. Tax work is what SOME CPAs specialize in, but for many CPAs it's a small part of their business, which is primarily auditing companies. EAs on the other hand, specialize in tax work. Thus many of them are much more knowledgeable about TAXES than some CPAs. But no one can generalize about either group.

Jack, there is nothing you can say to a client that dumb, that will satisfy them. So keep it short and sweet. "You had less withheld this year." Or "You made more, but your withholding is less." Or, "They changed the withholding tables to give you more up front." Or my favorite, "The IRS is playing games with your head."

I'm an idiot twice. I've seen this before and still fell for it. Sheesh. Leave me alone.