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My cousin sent me this one this morning. I laughed until I cried, then I laughed some more. Quickly followed by sending it to a couple of friends. Pocket taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.... I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Taser in another. The directions said that: a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best. I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Taser, one note of caution: There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor! A three second burst would be considered conservative! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.. I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!

-1907 - Ellis Island, NY-11,745 immigrants arrive -1920 - American Professional Football Association forms (NFL) -1925 - NY Yankee Babe Ruth has ulcer surgery -1939 - Stalin signs British-France-Russian anti-nazi pact -1941 - World War II: The Kingdom of Yugoslavia surrenders to Germany. -1964 - Ford Mustang formally introduced ($2368 base) -1970 - Apollo 13 limps back safely -1986 - IBM produces 1st megabit-chip -1991 - Dow Jones closes above 3,000 for 1st time (3,004.46) -2012 - I'm a gonna take a siesta.

>>why should he have paid taxes and how does he get those taxes paid back<< The answer to the first part, "why," is "because." That's the way our elected representatives wrote the tax law. The answer to the second part, "how," is on page 36 of Pub 525. It is such an unpleasant answer that I won't ruin our good mood by posting it. Look it up in the quiet privacy of your own office.

Hey gang! I just wanted to "check in". I have not had much of a chance this season to post (or even stop in to lurk). I thought that after my daughter went off to college and left the house to me and the animals, I would have a quite and less hectic tax season....wrong! I wanted to see where everyone was headed this year for vacation. I have always gone to Siesta Key, FL or Key West, FL...ususally every year for a week around Memorial Day....but due to scheduling conflicts and tight budgets, I will not be going anywhere this year. OK....break over...back to work!

No vacation until October - it will take me that long to get rested up so I can enjoy it. I have seven returns I want to get done - clients have already been told they are on extension - so if they get done fine, if not fine. Will do extensions Saturday and Sunday, enjoy a very laid back half day on Monday, and off Tuesday. And back to my part time job on Wednesday (I will only be working 45 hours per week). But in October - I am going to DISNEY WORLD........................................FOR A WEEK AND A CRUISE FOLLOWING THAT FOR FOUR DAYS.

It's not double dipping. One is just an exception to a penalty, the other is a tax credit. It's totally OK.

The only problem is that you spend the time and money sending it by certified mail. Another problem is like the other day a client sent her documents by certified mail. I wasn't here to sign for it and ended up having to go several miles to the post office and stand in line for half an hour to pick it up. I told her it would be better to xerox her documents, mail the copies to me and keep the originals. She said that is what she had done. I raised her fee $ 50.00 for the inconvenience.

Wow, EVERY return I pick up for the past week is missing something. I don't know why I am surprised, it's the same people every year. Same bat time, same bat channel. And, yeah, I've got one here, too, been ready to pick up since March 2. They also hounded me, wondering why it wasn't done, when they thought they were getting a refund. Welcome to the world of self-employment. And, hello, figure out how to conduct business, this ain't it. And I just ate a bag of popcorn that was best by July 2010.