RitaB

Yes, and on the inside edge of right shoe. Left for Methodists. I don't know why.

If I tell you, I'll have to kill you.

Dear Client, thank you for bringing in unopened mail, from ME, when you dropped off your tax documents. No, you do not have a sales tax number yet because that was your Application for Sales Tax Number that you didn't open. Yes, I know you have been so busy. Your nails and hair look fab, BTW.

But, little things mean a lot. Just like no mailing address on the amended return letter this year. Aaaannnd, my stapler kept jamming. My friend, possi, told me to get premium staples. It worked. Little victories mean a lot, too.

Did you really just say that, Jack?

By all means. Go right ahead. Besides, I stole it from someone anyway.

I agree, Joan. Last year I went to Vanguard and Fidelity and printed Performance Details of the mutual funds one client owns but pays $19,000 to have managed by a firm in Nashville. I have never in all my life seen fees like that. He says, "But my portfolio has doubled in five years." Me: "The STOCK MARKET has doubled in five years. Everybody made what you made." He's a retired engineer. Tried to do his own very complicated return to save on tax prep. Some people don't want to be helped.

I did 25 minutes on the elliptical from hell yesterday, after not doing anything for three weeks. Sorta proud of myself, but Cadbury mini eggs have a bigger piece of my heart.

If you find me dead on a jogging trail just know that I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.

I had a client come in this morning and ask me if I would reduce my fee this year because she was having some budgeting issues. The last time I saw her, she ran me down in Walmart to show me her boyfriend and tell me they were going to Europe for vacay. She has burned through her dead husband's retirement. I told her, sorry, I can't do that, but I'd be glad to hold your check until you have the money. She: What do you think about the free tax services? Me: Not much, what do you think about getting a job? (Yes, I did!) She: Well, I'm overqualified for everything here. But can I put you down as a reference? Me: Well, I know nothing about your work qualifications, but I guess I can tell them I prepared your taxes for 12 years. I mean 11. Anyhow, after she left I got back-to-back new and delightful clients, so yippee for me!

Well, Dear Colleague, you have been a wonderful teacher this season, and we are grateful for the help and manner in which you assist. 100 points to you.

Amen, Brother! I think I saw a little green on the grass yesterday. Five minute party!

Dear Client, Oh, you sold a rental, and your daughter-in-law, who is an EA, told you it will help if you tell me you added a porch in 1968? Do tell. Congrats on making a fortune on the sale. Sorry that your daughter-in-law didn't tell you that you added that porch in 2013.

Dear Client, It is really not necessary for you to come in to ask me what to do about your not having that K-1 yet. You know, the one you never get until April, and that has caused an amended return in our past. God made a thing called a telephone for situations like this. And, no, I do not need for you to bring in the rest of your stuff so I can get started. I don't need to get started. I need to get finished. That's how this works.

I think I'd interrogate the client, and ask him what percentage he considers the seminars to be: 1) training him for this job, or 2) maintaining / improving his job skills I would carefully explain training vs maintaining/improving. I would not tell him why I'm asking until after I got his answer. I do this type of thing with people who give me what I suspect are business plus commuting miles as business miles. I explain commuting, do not tell them that commuting miles are not deductible, and ask them how many of these miles are commuting. Cause, you know, the IRS wants to know. I do explain that commuting miles are not deductible after I get an answer.

I think your clients are on a different level than mine. I can't even get mine to realize that when your November Income Statement says you have a net profit of $100,000 it's a really bad idea to sign up for SS at age 62.

Bahahahaha, best qualifier ever. Crying.

And it's a sole proprietor. Schedule C. And you did all the bookkeeping. You, the accountant. And it's a Schedule C.

Well, these people have been separated 10 months, I believe. I bet the biggest issue here is she is not getting EIC. There's a good one to play loose with. No, she wouldn't get caught, but that's not the point. Just like the people who fudge on mileage and don't report cash. Doesn't make it right. I personally get tired of paying my fair share and everybody else's, too. It's enough to help people legally avoid tax. Anything else is above my pay grade.

If there are no depreciable assets, I think you got it, my friend. If there ARE assets, I enter assets individually with date of purchase so it's easier on me come time to do the return. For example, I might have Account # 177 - HP Computer 4/16/14. I also enter things like owner health insurance on the Balance Sheet for my own sake. Isn't a perfect world great and you have total control because you did it all, and there are no creative, horrific entries to unwind?

Yeah, it would be nice to be able to search for NOL, AMT, etc. Ok, not etc, but you know what I mean.

64,000. Did not mean to trick or mislead anybody.

I'm missing education credits because I am a single-mother-of-three-rich-mom making over $62,000. I cannot tell you how blown away I am at that. I am getting more flowers next month because of this.

Nah, not usually.

It needed to be said.