Frikkin Raccoon

[Janitor Bob]

I have a Frikkin big raccoon in my attic and he/she is poopin all over and making a LOT of noise at night...I put a frikkin banana in the trap, but he just picked up the trap (instead of going inside it) and dumped out the frikkin banana and ate it.

I would send Lila the Giant Dog after it, but Lila The Giant Dog is a pacifist and does not do conflict.

Looks like I need to call a frikkin trapper

[Julie]

Hmmm...I guess you could try tying the trap down, on the off chance it hasn't learned to untie knots. Or you could try bribing it (it seems to like bananas) to go outside, then closing up the hole it came in through. I'd think a frikkin big raccoon needs a frikkin big hole, perhaps bigger than your attic ought to have?

A few weeks ago, while I was waiting for a bus home at 11pm here, I saw a pair of them running across Broadway. Right in the middle of town. We haven't had problems with raccoons here, though. Just rats and sometimes possums.

I have a Frikkin big raccoon in my attic and he/she is poopin all over and making a LOT of noise at night...I put a frikkin banana in the trap, but he just picked up the trap (instead of going inside it) and dumped out the frikkin banana and ate it.

I would send Lila the Giant Dog after it, but Lila The Giant Dog is a pacifist and does not do conflict.

Looks like I need to call a frikkin trapper

[joanmcq]

I used to have possums. They'd come in my kitchen and eat the cat food. The babies would hide out in my stove. You would have to check the stove for possums before you cooked. Then the dog showed up and no more possums.

[kcjenkins]

Better go ahead and call the trapper, wild coons bring in fleas, ticks, and even lice sometimes, as well as sometimes damaging wiring, which could be a fire hazard.

[jainen]

>>I have a Frikkin big raccoon in my attic<<

That's not possible, Janitor Bob. Raccoons have been extinct for more than half a century. The last ones were killed during the WW2 blitzkrieg.

[Janitor Bob]

>>I have a Frikkin big raccoon in my attic<<

That's not possible, Janitor Bob. Raccoons have been extinct for more than half a century. The last ones were killed during the WW2 blitzkrieg.

Apparently one survived and is living in my attic and eating all of my frikkin bananas (that is where I kept them in a Frikkin banana box).

I think it now has access to a cell phone...As I could swear I heard it calling and talking to someone when I listened through the ductwork.

[taxtrio]

Critters like racoons and skunks and possums don't like the smell of moth balls.

If you fill an old nylon stocking with the mothballs (tie the ends) and hand them around in the attic they usually will leave on their own. You may be able to smell them in the house that's why the nylon stocking... easier to gather them up and remove them after the racoon leaves.

They usually go out and prowl at night, and sleep in the daytime. We waited until after dark one year and then my husband closed up the "hole" where she came in. Later we found out we kept her out but all her babies were still trapped in the shed attic!! So watch out for babies at this time of the year.

[Elrod]

I had to give up bananas................

Doctor said, Quit, or no more tree swingin........

I'm Old...

:(

[Lion EA]

You have to be smarter than the raccoons to make them go away. And, they're very good with their hands/paws. We had one that took apart our Weber grill to get inside to lick the grate. Do you know you have to buy a special tool to re-attach the vents the raccoons took off?! And, they work well as a team. When we filled up the holes they dug into a cat kennel with large rocks, I came home late one night to have my headlights shine on a group of raccoons working together to lift the heavy rocks and pass them bucket brigade style away so they could re-enter the kennel and eat the cat food. It made me especially mad when they took the bungy cords off the garbage cans (put on to keep the raccoons out) to dump out the garbage but take only a bite out of everything and leave the rest strung out all along the driveway when I was expecting the Welcome Wagon lady. And, taking one bite out of each ear of corn and each tomato and throwing the rest away made my husband so mad that he pulled up everything from our garden and threw it in the forest to dry out saying if we can't eat it then no raccoon can eat it either. Call that trapper for your attic critters.

[Janitor Bob]

You have to be smarter than the raccoons to make them go away. And, they're very good with their hands/paws. We had one that took apart our Weber grill to get inside to lick the grate. Do you know you have to buy a special tool to re-attach the vents the raccoons took off?! And, they work well as a team. When we filled up the holes they dug into a cat kennel with large rocks, I came home late one night to have my headlights shine on a group of raccoons working together to lift the heavy rocks and pass them bucket brigade style away so they could re-enter the kennel and eat the cat food. It made me especially mad when they took the bungy cords off the garbage cans (put on to keep the raccoons out) to dump out the garbage but take only a bite out of everything and leave the rest strung out all along the driveway when I was expecting the Welcome Wagon lady. And, taking one bite out of each ear of corn and each tomato and throwing the rest away made my husband so mad that he pulled up everything from our garden and threw it in the forest to dry out saying if we can't eat it then no raccoon can eat it either. Call that trapper for your attic critters.

The Frikkin raccoon sent me a text message from the attic....."Need spicy mustard"

[Lion EA]

Lock all your condiments up and maybe the raccoon will move to a neighbor's house with more up-scale brands.

[Jack from Ohio]

[zeke]

....."Need spicy mustard"

on a frikkin banana??

[Janitor Bob]

....."Need spicy mustard"

on a frikkin banana??

No....on his bratwurst....he has a small hibachi grill that he stole from my garage and is cooking meats in my attic

[Lion EA]

Stop delivering groceries!

[cientax]

I have a Frikkin big raccoon in my attic and he/she is poopin all over and making a LOT of noise at night...I put a frikkin banana in the trap, but he just picked up the trap (instead of going inside it) and dumped out the frikkin banana and ate it.

I would send Lila the Giant Dog after it, but Lila The Giant Dog is a pacifist and does not do conflict.

Looks like I need to call a frikkin trapper

Either have your wife sit outside with hair rollers on her head to attract the coons outside then shoot them, (cause they love hair rollers, I know, we had one as a pet, but then you might become single againin prison unless you are a good shot), or inside the trap in a bowl give them minnows & crawdads, or build a chicken coop with real chickens that lay real eggs, or just burn down the house if nothing else works! Tax deduction for "Casualty"!!!!!

[Janitor Bob]

Either have your wife sit outside with hair rollers on her head to attract the coons outside then shoot them, (cause they love hair rollers, I know, we had one as a pet, but then you might become single againin prison unless you are a good shot), or inside the trap in a bowl give them minnows & crawdads, or build a chicken coop with real chickens that lay real eggs, or just burn down the house if nothing else works! Tax deduction for "Casualty"!!!!!

OK...so I am at work and I receive the following text message from Giant Raccoon: "Its me in your attic and if you ever want to see your underwear again you must place a zip-loc baggie of reduced fat cheez-its on bottom tree branch in the back yard"

[zeke]

Now I know you are pulling my leg. I can believe a giant Raccoon. & one that can make a text message. Even one that likes reduced fat cheeze-its. And is fastidious enough to require the zip-lock baggie and knows the back yard. You will never convince me that he could look up your business phone number & call you at work. Gotcha!!!

[Janitor Bob]

Now I know you are pulling my leg. I can believe a giant Raccoon. & one that can make a text message. Even one that likes reduced fat cheeze-its. And is fastidious enough to require the zip-lock baggie and knows the back yard. You will never convince me that he could look up your business phone number & call you at work. Gotcha!!!

My daughter got a new cell phone for her b-day...was gonna give old one to her friend after she deleted the contacts.....but before she could do that, it came up missing...Mr. Scratchy...aka Giant Raccoon must have taken it...and yes, my work number was in there.

[Lion EA]

I have trouble imagining a raccoon with your underwear! Boxers or briefs? Clean or dirty? White or...?

[joelgilb]

I think you should call Jarvis and have him go at that Racoon. Maybe he can Vomit on him.

[Janitor Bob]

I think you should call Jarvis and have him go at that Racoon. Maybe he can Vomit on him.

I now have a restraining order against Jarvis, so this is not gonna work

[MN dhawk]

The answer for me on Minnesota raccoons and squirrels has been ammonia. Soak some rags & sponges and toss them into the attic or use a squirt bottle. Raccoons have strong family values. If you don't win this with the one, you will have five or six soon. A little ammonia in each garbage bag will keep trash inside the trash cans too.

Another method here is to put a radio up there playing loud obnoxious music. Minnesota raccoons just change the station.

[Lion EA]

Moth balls

[Gail in Virginia]

Anybody ever hear from Jerry Mealer? He knew all about the ring around that racoon's tail.