BLACK BART

Impressive, but I prefer Idi Amin's: "His excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Seas and Conqueror of the British Empire in Africa in General and Uganda in Particular." P.S. Sorry, but I couldn't resist.

Here's a new on me. Lady in the office yesterday said someone from Publishers' Clearing House called a few days ago and told her she'd won a million bucks. It was the same pitch the Nigerian guys used (I'm kinda missing the familiar crooks - they were so easy to spot): "Send us $200 for processing fees and we'll mail you $1M." It's surprising they'd use PCH since it seems so obvious, but I guess that's why the con games never die - somebody occasionally falls for them. The lady was no dope though and actually had a little fun with them. She told the guy she was thrilled but unfortunately didn't have $200. She asked if he'd be good enough to "bring the check by the house with balloons like they do on TV" and promised, cross-her-heart, to go right to the bank with him, cash it, and pay his $200 on the spot. Click.

Just thought (even though I intend to stick with the law), I charged a $600 penalty to a client the day before the news broke. Sure hope they don't listen to the radio... (but there's still hope; lots of people can't decipher a tax return any better than I can an insurance policy).

So is cheap toilet paper. Don't know how to do what Jack did, but my hand is definitely up. Waaayyyy up.

Well, not a Road-to-Damascus-scale sudden insight , but enough to make me realize we're not the only ones with multiple clients who people say goofy stuff to. While the barber skimmed my thatch with his hedge trimmer, I was complaining about interviewing a Schedule C client who, when I asked what kind of truck he drove, looked at me with astonishment and said "Why, Bart; it's that same old Chevy I've had for years!" The barber, unflappable, came back with "Yeah, I understand. When I ask how they want their hair done; lots of 'em will say 'Same as usual'."

Got a call today. They said "Your Google account needs to be udpdated." Since I don't have a Google account, I said "Goodbye."

The con men (strike that - I meant to say con persons - we here in Dogpatch observe all the PC amenities) are apparently gonna be flockin' here to get their "short forms" done. Who know, maybe John H. was right when he said price and distance were no object -- except I b'lieve their focus is on fleecin' the sheep. Somebody here the other day said all we used to have to watch out for was Nigerian princes, but they're a little more savvy now. This guy acquired a local area code number to make his pitch. First off, although he wouldn't give HIS name, he was very insistent on US maintaining Circular 230 strict confidentiality (never heard THAT one before). Next, said he'd send all his stuff to me on a thumb drive with links. Told him not to worry; although I have a friend who writes The Weekly Wiper gossip-column, she would cross-her-heart promise to keep mum. On the down side, I advised him that, while we don't deal with thumbs, we must occasionally give obnoxious people the finger and I believed he qualified. Must have been the sensitive type 'cause he hung up. .

Amen, sister Rita (as my parson-client would say)! And I thought I was the only one goin' crazy with this.

It's a good thing IRS makes me take that 2 hours ethics every year (not to mention my hardshell Baptist parson preachin' hellfire and brimstone) when there's stoled gold layin' ever'where. I just slogged through a long, tedious return, took a $400 retirement savings credit (even though T/P made a $30K pension withdrawal in 2016), ATX allowed it, and my assistant caught it. ATX does this every year and I have to remind myself to watch out for it -- now gotta re-fix the dang thing. I could maybe understand if it was a previous year's withdrawal, but it's right here on the current year form and there's no red error message. Can't figure out why there isn't an automatic stop on it; I've seen it before (on other software too) where it went through and somebody got the credit. Apparently IRS is not mindin' the store on this.

I feel the same way. The worst one I ever saw was about 20 years ago when a young lady brought me a cardboard box crammed full of papers & junk. Her husband, a young farmer, had died of cancer the year before and she was the sole heir to his enormous life insurance policy . She had already lost lots of it (in ridiculous investments) and had a lawyer do her taxes the previous year. She asked my price and while I felt sorry for her, the size of that box was daunting. So anyway, I said "Ma'am, I hate to tell you this, but I'd have to charge you at least $500" (which was a huge price around here at the time). And she replied "Whew! That's a relief. That lawyer charged me $3,800 last year." So I got a new customer and she got a good deal. (There was a funny sequel to this, but...some other time).

Well, you've all got better stories than me. Only one I can think of is my beauty shop operator client who clips all her papers together with hair clips. No, wait. I remember receiving a large box of all someone's papers -- it's probably been 25 years ago, but in the bottom was a half-eaten sandwich. Thankfully, it had mummified.

Yeah, mine's going "smooth", so to speak, but I'm also getting replies that a few returns have been "accepted, but with messages" by IRS. Called EF center and the people there are clueless and can't tell me what the messages are. Don't know what to do about that except we have double-checked the returns again and can't find anything wrong. So anyway, I guess we'll just live with it until they start rejecting them altogether.

Just read this: https://www.irs.gov/tax-professionals/aca-information-center-for-tax-professionals The key item seems to be that paragraph that starts with "However,..."

Got overrun last week and this one looks to be the same - they're coming in the windows (all good, of course ). How 'bout y'all?

Thanks for the info everybody. We've been getting these every now and then, but had no clue what the "messages" were. Tried calling EF center today, held for an hour, and then they chimed in and advised they were closed. I think IRS should be required to track each practitioner's calls and at season's end award $1,000 to whoever heard this the most: "Our representatives are still assisting other customers. Please continue to hold."

Those things are covered in the term "pedigree" (see reruns of NYPD Blue).

No go on my ATX either.

Well said, John; well said. Many thanks for your kind words (you hand out more grease than we render from a hog-killin'). While, like that country singer, I have (sometimes high) friends in low places; a bank president also once availed himself of my services (wished to confirm that April 15th thing). But anyway, to save you the drive, I'll just furnish a quick summary: Re: taxes - (a) file promptly and (b) UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES sign up to "pay pennies on the dollar". Re: investments - I find it best to buy low, sell high. If you still feel the need for outside assistance please send me your pedigree/particulars via PM (don't forget hair color/ favorite ice cream flavor) and I will forward then to Ms. Tennessee on her very next call.

As you know there are news stories lately about fraudsters targeting tax preparers. I think my secretary (okay, okay; so it's my wife) may have heard from one this week. She said it was a lady from somewhere in Tennessee who said she'd found our office on Google (news to me - I'm not there unless IRS gave me up). Gosh, it's kind of flattering even if you know it's a lie -- to think my infamy has preceded me to the extent someone's willing to drive hundreds of miles to Hole-in-the-Road, AR to in hopes of accessing my extraordinary 1040 skills . Oh well; them's the breaks!

Thanks! That killed if off and is one of the better tips I ever got. That dadgum thing was like the horror movie - "IT FOLLOWS".

Aren't you devious. Me too, but I one-upped you by adding a dollar sign to mine and it flew on through. They'll never break our James Bond style secret codes now with all this disguising stuff.

Same here. Makes you wonder how many more hoop-jumpers "they" can come up with; the triple-column 8867, the long just-so password, the annoying 30 minute time-out (haven't tried that workaround posted here yet), and the password-change notice that just now popped up. Between engagement letters, affadavits swearin' it's all true, privacy notices, and this junk I sometimes wonder that there's time to do any actual tax-work.

Ha-ha. Reminds me of a joke (think I already told it here, but it's worth telling again). I once had a doctor client and he overheard me complaining about a PITA client who'd just stormed out of my office. Doc said the guy was also his patient and "I'd like to refer him to Dr. Kevorkian!"

I don't think it's your computer. When I first loaded the program on my PC (less capability than your hardware), it wouldn't export/import to/from a flash stick. A tech remote-installed the program twice and never could get it fixed, so finally had to install it under a second user name. That worked. Stay with the tech (an hour wait's not too bad nowadays) and they'll probably get yours going.

Actually I'm not real sure that "land contract" between him and the person he's "helping out" doesn't last several years beyond the life of that bank note (possibly at a higher interest rate) or could be there was some unmentioned cash down. But, that aside, while one or both of these guys may have a wire down, it's nothing new for me to hear that argument about "no cash - no gain" when someone's getting a debt paid off for them. Many people can't seem to grasp the concept. Nobody else ever heard that? Re the AR fee, rfassett - we have to charge what the traffic will bear so as not to bare the bank account. If I jack my fees up to your PA rates, they'd consider it gouging and nobody would walk through the doorway which would remain permanently darkened.