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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples." Q: What cookie makes you rich? A: A fortune cookie! Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his mother was a wafer so long! Q: When should you take a cookie to the doctor? A: When it feels crummy. Q: What do the cookie and the computer have in common? A: They both have chips. Q: How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? A: There's M&M shells all over the floor Q: What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A: A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie. Q: What kind of keys do kids like to carry? A: Cookies! Q: Why do basketball players love cookies? A: Because they can dunk them! Q. What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? A. A cookie sheet! Q: What is a monster's favorite food? A: Ghoul scout cookies. Q: How do you make Ohio State University cookies? A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours. source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/foodjokes/cookiejokes.html

Wow! I need a few laughs in this busy time leading up to 15 October, while my computer monitors are failing, my son is suffering from severe anger issues, my ex is telling me to fix it as I'm the mother (my "kid" is 32 years old and married), and we're working on our church's main time-consuming fundraiser. Even the sick jokes bring me up for air and out of my panic. However, I laughed at that joke for an entirely different reason, didn't laugh at those that had been diagnosed as mentally ill. I laughed at the doctors that thought they'd made an accurate diagnosis based on one event in the woman's life! But, were proved wrong. Doctors are not God. Luckily they were proved wrong before the patient could be released. Now, I've offended doctors. Hopefully, no doctor is reading a tax board. But some of you have doctors in your families, so I do apologize. I remember going through a sick joke phase as a child, so it is easy to revert to that as a release valve in times of stress.

Aye, alrighty then me hearties. Rum, meat pie and honey bread for Capt'n Jack and all who played along or liked the thread. Watered down stale ale and maggoty, moldy bread for those that didn't. lol

Well, I try not to take 'jokes' personally. I'm old, overweight, short, and female, and was even blonde as a child, so if I wanted to, I could be 'offended' at about a third of the jokes in the world. But unless it's directed specifically at a real person, a joke is just a way of dealing with life by finding humor in everyday events. It's much healthier to laugh than to look for things to be offended by. One of the reasons we encourage the "Laugh" posts here is because laughing is a way to help us get through hard and painful times in our lives. All of us have them, but laughing does help. If a particular 'joke' does not seem funny to you, please just skip on by it.

Got pulled over by the cops today and was asked if I had a police record ... I said yes "Every Breath You Take" and "Don't Stand So Close To Me" Didn't know I was going to need my lawyer's phone number.

I was on hold with the IRS for 1:15 minutes and resolved the issue in five minutes http://youtu.be/Vr_YVQctXVg

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, 'We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!' The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8 year old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly,'Where is God?' The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, 'Where is God?' Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, 'WHERE IS GOD?' At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in the closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and asked what had happened. The younger brother replied, 'We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it.'

try reading this, it might help https://whyweprotest.net/community/threads/scientologys-updated-information-on-taxes-brochure.27120/

Ditto!!!!!

Well that changed directions quickly. A current member of the forum must have signed up for a new account. I think I know who it is, but I'm not telling.

Avast, ye hearties, it's Talk Like A Pirate Day. Put on yer eye patch, an if yer not yet elbow deep in grog, it be a fine day for swabbin' the deck, mateys. Arrrgh! Today, I be know as Luna Silverblade. Here's a song to get ye going (lol at the 1:10 mark) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJUo5MDDmA8&feature=player_embedded Bonus - wear an eye patch into any Krispy Kreme shop today and you get a free glazed doughnut. Dress like a pirate and receive a dozen.

Q: What does a smart pirate track after running a marketing campaign? A: Arrrrrrrgh O I!

I posted an article that discusses the issue you raised about it being "not PC to institutionalize" those who really need it. It's on a thread in the Political forum; you can search on my posts. Heinlein's character Valentine Michael Smith, in "Stranger In A Strange Land," points out that *everything* funny contains something that is inherently wrong, bad, or painful -- and that laughter is humanity's way of dealing with all the "wrongness" in life. So "jokes about someone's anguish and pain" are, frankly, what humor is all about. There were certainly jokes I heard tell/were told specifically to hurt or offend me, years ago, that were very painful to me at the time -- and now, with the pain more distant, I see the funny in them. We know people with schizophrenia ("bipolar" they call it today); the bipolar newsgroups have some incredibly pointed and VERY funny interchanges, all coming from places of pain.

I can say "Arrg!" and drink rum, so that must count for *something* -- and if'n it don't I'll be making ye walk the plank! Ye scurvy dog.

Anyone who has lived with mental illness in themselves or in their family could not take a lighthearted approach to such "jokes." Do you think a parent of a teen who committed suicide would get a big laugh out of that joke? Or the mother of the Navy yard shooter who tearfully apologized and sympathized with the victims of her son's actions? Politics aside, our nation's policymakers have time and again legislated "parity" in mental health care (treating it the same as any other medical condition), but they never put any teeth into it. Lots of folks who pay nothing out of pocket for visits to their internist or pediatrician and $10 for prescriptions forego mental health treatment because it costs $225 for a 50-minute hour with a therapist and the meds are over $800 a month, out of pocket. Insurance might pay for three or four visits, but even if you have schizophrenia or bipolar disorder you better be cured by then. The ACA will at last put an end to this denial of treatment. The saddest part of the Navy yard story is that the killer was actively seeking treatment and had recently been seen by psychiatrists. Years ago it became PC that it wasn't nice to institutionalize anyone, and I read today that our nation now has 5% of the beds in mental health facilities that it had 50 years ago when the deinstitutionalization movement began. If the killer had in any way threatened to harm himself or others, he could have been put into a mental health facility. He apparently did not do that, so there is no way the doctors could have given him the inpatient treatment that would have kept everyone safe. Jokes about Catholics and Jews and Irish and Asians, and tax preparers for that matter, can be tasteful and fun. Jokes about someone's anguish and pain are just mean.

You guys talk funny! But you're not a REAL pirate unless you graduated from this school, like I did.

The original joke is more about the absolutely atrocious condition of mental health diagnosis and treatment. Am I the only one that sees that? Roses are Red, Violets are Blue; I'm a schizophrenic, And I am too. BTW, sanity is overrated!!

It was a JOKE. The poster was not trying to "make fun of the mentally ill". Please don't turn it into a political argument. We have a separate forum for political posts.

Ditto jack

Avast, ye hearties, it's Talk Like A Pirate Day. Put on yer eye patch, an if yer not yet elbow deep in grog, it be a fine day for swabbin' the deck, mateys. Arrrgh! Today, I be know as Captain Jack! "WEAR'S ME RUM????

?????????????????????????????????????? You must be talking about a different IRS than I have dealt with for 14 years. :dunno:

"Make him listen to Justin Beiber..." Arr, arr, arr, arr, shivering me timbers off rolling in the floor.

Let me know if they start beta testing chocolate cake.

Not exactly laugh of the day--trying to make a joke about a mental patient murdering someone. I am personally grateful for the Affordable Care Act. It requires insurance companies to bring mental health treatment up to parity with other illness. It guarantees new coverage for disabled unfortunates who are trying to become productive again. And it has already prevented unmeasurable tragedy by allowing parents to maintain insurance for their children from 18 to 26, the most common age for the onset of mental illness. And I am especially glad that the job has been given to IRS. For all its problems, IRS has remained by far the most consistent and reliable federal agency. And fiscally sound, too.