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A TOUGH OLD CATTLEMAN FROM ALBERTA COUNSELED HIS GRANDDAUGHTER THAT IF SHE WANTED TO LIVE A LONG LIFE, THE SECRET WAS TO SPRINKLE A PINCH OF GUN POWDER ON HER OATMEAL EVERY MORNING. THE GRANDDAUGHTER DID THIS RELIGIOUSLY UNTIL THE AGE OF 103, WHEN SHE DIED. SHE LEFT BEHIND 14 CHILDREN, 30 GRANDCHILDREN, 45 GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, 25 GREAT-GREAT-GRANDCHILDREN, AND A 40-FOOT HOLE WHERE THE CREMATORIUM USED TO BE!

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture in Texas when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust. The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?" Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® netbook computer, connects it to his Apple iPhone4S®, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 15-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves." "That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of 'em," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?" "You're a U.S. Congressman," says Bud. "Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cattle, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep."

slightly risque When you’re from the farm, your perception is a little bit different. A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. “Is your dad or mom home?” said the farmer. “No, they went to town.” “How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?” “No, he went with Mom and Dad.” The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message.” “Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably. “No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant”. The boy thought for a moment…then says, “You’ll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bulls and $150 for the boars, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”

We moved EVERYTHING to our Credit Union as soon as they offered business accounts. We were paying fees for every little thing at the BIG bank. They made me so mad one time that I went in and paid off one of my husband's Partnership notes with my business funds and let them pay interest to me. Bank was not happy. Too Bad! Now CU accepts Partnerships.

Who remembers when this happened?

I closed my account with a bank I had been using for years because they started charging me for deposits that I mailed in instead of bringing them to the bank to deposit. I am in a rural area and it is not convenient for me to go the bank every time I have a deposit to make. I am now using a credit union and am very pleased with their service.

That is why we only have accounts with a Credit Union. Have had our accounts with our Credit Union since 1988. I will not deal with any Banks especially Chase or BoA. They really do not want any personal accounts except to charge outrageous bank fees for every little thing. Our Credit Union has been great and especially with the home town touch. Personal attention and calls for any issues. Know us on a 1st name basis.

I really do get sick of banks and other businesses that insist that "their policy" overrides the customer's RIGHTS. Rarely is it truly 'the law' that makes them delay your rights, it's usually just an excuse to make things easier FOR THEM. I cheer when such attitudes bring in competition that puts them out of business.

Reminds me of the time a tobacco farmer here went to the bank to cash his tobacco allotment check. The bank told him that they did not cash those type checks, but they would deposit it to his account for him. He very politely told them he would just cash it himself, to give him all of the money he had in his account. This was probably somewhere between 10 and 100 times what the check was for (depending on how his cash flow was running at the time.) Of course, they wanted to back up and do something different at that point, but he insisted on getting his cash out right away, and then went and opened an account at another bank. Might be just a coincidence, but that particular bank is out of business and has been for sometime.

YES!! They were scrambling to see if they had enough cash in the vault!! I made all my comments and request very loud so all the other customers heard what I was doing and why!! The looks from the people working there were "special!"

OK, SEE THAT AND RAISE YOU ONE. Web Sites That Sound Dirty (But Aren't) You have to be careful when you register a domain name! It's sometimes hard to figure out what words are embedded in it if you don't capitalize things well in your advertising: Site: GotAHoe.com (Book yourself a hooker?) Is really: GoTahoe.com (Lake Tahoe Visitors Bureau) Site: PenisLand.net (Vacation spot to envy?) Is really: PenIsland.net (Sells custom pens) Site: TheRapistFinder.com (Locate a violent criminal?) Is really: TherapistFinder.com (Directory of therapists) Site: ExpertSexChange.net (Schedule reassignment surgery?) Is really: ExpertsExchange.net (Data base experts site) Site: WhorePresents.com (Gift registry for sex workers?) Is really: WhoRepresents.com (Directory of agents and who they represent) Site: PowerGenitalia.com (Battery operated toys?) Is really: PowergenItalia.com (Italian power company) Site: MolestationNursery.com (Stay away from those kids!) Is really: MoleStationNursery.com (A plant nursery in Mole Station, Australia) Site: DollarSexChange.com (For budget-minded surgeries?) Is really: DollarsExchange.com (Currency trading site) and... Site: CummingFirst.com (Oh, dear!) Is really: CummingFirst.com (Yeah, well, it's the Cumming, Georgia, First Methodist Church!)

Tom, I would gladly add you but Bulldog Tom in Hollister CA doesn't bring you up. But if you message me your name, I will add you to my contacts.

I bank with a state bank (well, now I guess it's regional) instead of the big national banks. Great service. Business account with no fees due to fewer than 200 transactions per month and a credit card and a debit card. (Also, have my personal accounts there and mortgages and loans and credit cards.) Deposit using my smart phone, so no travel involved. Also use their payroll service for one of my business clients. Hubby was with a local credit union before I married him, town or school employees or something local. As they merged with other CUs and became larger, he was less satisfied with their services. He took out all his accounts a couple of years ago and moved them over to my bank.

I have my personal accounts and much of our retirement account balances at our credit union. If they offered business accounts, I doubt I'd be dealing with a bank at all, except for maybe a sweep account.

I would IMMEDIATELY remove all money and business dealings with that bank. There are REAL banks/credit unions that understand who is the customer and also understand customer service. We changed from a bank we had been with for 15 years over a check we received that bounced. Shortened story - - The person that wrote the check, brought us cash before the bank notified us. Score high integrity for that person. 2 weeks later, bank says check bounced and was processing it again. 4 weeks later, bank says all is well but only after we called. 8 weeks later, the bank hits our account for the returned check. This was 2006. The banks were both in our town. Currently we have NO money or do NO business with that bank. Note: The bank said there was nothing they could do about their processes. I told the manager that I considered her answer the best example of male bovine scat I had seen to date. Then I went to the counter and cleaned out our accounts.

KC: These are two different types of cases. One is under the "Escheat" laws, and one is under the "Civil Forfeiture" laws. What happened to the folks in MI was a criminal act on behalf of the government. The fourth amendment has been blown out of the water with the newer "forfeiture" laws.... If the police can show that even a portion of the funds may have come from some sort of criminal enterprise, they can take your property.... Under the "escheat" laws, if an account has no activity for three years (in the Peoples State of Maryland), the account agent (Bank, Broker, etc) is to turn over the account to the state.... Here is the Peoples State of Maryland site for reclaiming the property: http://comptroller.marylandtaxes.com/Public_Services/Unclaimed_Property/ I can tell you that I got a phone call about a savings account at my local bank. It was attached to our personal checking account, it comes on the same statement and we used the checking account all the time, but I had $250 in the savings account and never did anything with it... They called and asked me "Are you going to use the account or should we close it, before we send the funds to the state?" I told them they were crazy... We USE the checking account, and we have 4 other accounts with you... Crazy. But, and I recommend this for all of you on this site, go to your states "Unclaimed Property" website with your clients, especially your older clients. I had one client find $11,000 from an insurance policy from his father, and another that had an investment account that had about $9k in it. One other client had his 16 and 18 year old daughters final paychecks from an employer on the site... Rich

A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they'd be asked the "half empty or half full" question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she enquired: "How heavy is this glass of water?" Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz. She replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes." She continued, "The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything." Remember to put the glass down.

Yes, a very good article. It got me thinking about my experience over the past few years. About 9-10 clients have died and I'm still preparing returns for the spouse now. I have 4 situations in which a rellative is bringing the client's info to me and I have copies of a durable POA on hand - 3 of them have full-blown dementia. I have another 2 or 3 for whom I have a POA in the file because although they still bring their info to me, they want me to keep an adult son or daughter informed about their tax affairs. My clients are getting old - good thing I'm staying young. The article makes a great suggestion about being aware of the signs that a client is slipping, and bringing up the topic early. I think age alone is a good enough excuse to bring it up, unless there is a spouse still living. Sometimes it can be uncomfortable, but usually they are willing to talk with their tax preparer more quickly than with a relative. Better to get the conversation under way before it is too late, even at the risk of losing a client if they take it the wrong way.

KEEP IN A PRIVATE PLACE, BUT WHERE YOU WILL SEE IT EVERY DAY.