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Showing content with the highest reputation on 07/24/2017 in all areas

  1. Anybody here today? I'm lonely without you all...
    8 points
  2. I'm here, nowhere else to go, had some oral surgery this morning, 5 stitches. I was a little tense so I told the doc and nurse a joke to ease my apprehension. CIA director was looking for a new assassin, so he puts an ad in the paper asking that candidates bring their spouses. 2 men and a woman show up with spouses. Director puts each spouse in a separate room. He gives a gun to first man and tells him to go in and kill his wife. He goes in and comes right out, "can't do it, I love my wife." Director gives gun to 2nd guy with same instructions. He too comes right out with same explanation. Director gives the gun to the woman and she goes into room and he hears bang bang bang bang bang....then silence, then thrashing and screaming noises. Woman comes out and Director says "What happened in there?" The woman replies, "well, the gun had blanks so I had to kill him with the chair!"
    7 points
  3. I here too Cat......
    7 points
  4. Three guys are hiking through the woods, when they find a magic lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes." The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." POOF, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." POOF, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now well over 100 billion. The third guy thinks even longer about his wish, then says "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF, his arm starts rotating. The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. First guy says: "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman on earth." POOF, a stunning beauty wraps herself around his arm. Second guy says "I want to be good-looking and charismatic, so I can have every girl I want." POOF, his looks change and the first guy's wife immediately starts flirting with him. Third guy says "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF, now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions. The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish. First guy does, and after a while says "I never want to become sick or injured, I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF, his complexion improves, his acne is gone and his knees don't bother him any more. Second guy says "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF, he looks younger already. Third guy smiles triumphantly and says "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth." POOF, he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around. The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways. Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going. First guy is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years." Second guy smiles and says "Well, I built charities worldwide with a fraction of my wealth, I'm still the richest guy alive and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed." Third guy walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and says: "Guys, I think I screwed up." It's better as a physical joke, giving the punchline with your arms and head going.
    6 points
  5. I had an unexpected visit from my younger daughter, on her way to work. Did a CPE course online on trust and estate taxation that was actually useful. It was part 2 of 3; part 1 got finished last week and now I need to find time for part 3, but that's three hours. Did the bulk of one return earlier today, have two to tackle this afternoon. One is a royal PITA, and the other is disorganized. So I am poking around online and dithering. Kinda like @jklcpa's procrastinating but with less structure. LOVE @BHoffman's picture! Great to hear from everybody.
    6 points
  6. I'm here between projects, procrastinating on whichever job to tackle next.
    6 points
  7. Bill.......Chair beatings are kinna harsh..?..
    5 points
  8. I just showed this to my wife and she chuckled and said that was cute! Cute? I am not sure that is the word that I would have picked! I think I better hide the chairs tonight!
    5 points
  9. The phone has been behaving like Monday today, so I really had not been paying attention to what was going on on-line. Nice to know you are all still here.
    5 points
  10. I'm here too! Working on an S Corp and a few other odds and ends.
    5 points
  11. Aaawwww! I needed to hear from a friend too. I just finished sitting through a two hour webinar on Section 263A.
    5 points
  12. I am here. Trying to tie up loose ends before my two week vacation which starts Saturday
    4 points
  13. 4 points
  14. Eric....groan.....
    2 points
  15. Now that's the most real TV wrestling I've ever seen. Bruno, Andre the Giant, and The Kangaroos would be proud!
    2 points
  16. I'm here! I would love to be taking CPE, but I'm stuck with payroll taxes, extensions, clients that only file every three years or so, and answering IRS and state letters. This is my worst summer ever for being behind, because I have too much on my personal and work stuff going on. I don't know how people can get letters from the IRS and state and not give them to me or their attorneys for months.
    1 point
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