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Three little boys are talking about how great their father are, first boy says his father has super strength and can hit a baseball around the world, the second boy, says his father invented video games, the third boy says he has the best father because he works to 4pm but is his home by noon, with a puzzled look the other two boys asked, where does your father work? Boy responded: The government

Old man in the gym sees a pretty young thing and asks his trainer, "Which machine should I use to impress HER?" The trainer says, "Try the ATM downstairs."

One man has 8 children. Another man has $1M. Who is happier? The man with 8 children because he doesn't want anymore.

If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your work." Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. When you look really closely, all mirrors look like eyeballs. I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people but none of them work.......

around here. Anybody heard any good jokes lately? One from last week: Guy says "Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour;" asks "Which one do you think will be glad to see you?" Yeah, yeah, I know. It's slim pickin's, but you've gotta work with what you have.

Jerry was worried his wife was losing her hearing so he asked his doctor about it. Doc said give her a hearing test. Say something in a normal voice and keep getting closer until she hears you and you'll know how bad is her hearing. Jerry goes home and at 40 feet he asks Linda what's for dinner. No answer. Tries again at 30, 20, and 10 feet with no responses. Finally Jerry walks up behind Linda and asks her "what's for dinner Honey?" Linda swings around and says "Jeez A Lou Jerry, for the friggin' 4th time CHICKEN!"

One company owner asks another: “Tell me, Bill, how come your employees are always on time in the mornings?” Bill replies: “Easy. 30 employees and 20 parking spaces.”

We're not bean counters. We're legume controllers.

Old accountants never die, they just get out of balance.

This is a little naughty, but I love it. An 85-year-old man had by his doctor request a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained. "Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

Perfect! They also make good stress relivers, when me and my 9mm need relief. Nice targets at 15', and you should see them spin as they take flight....

I have used Medlin a few times...

Lion with laughter.....

You'll want to properly move your ATX data to the new computer. Do NOT just export/import to the new computer or you'll lose all your preferences and customizations. CAVEAT: THE 2018 PROGRAM DATA FOLDER CHANGED TO WOLTERS KLUWER.

You guys made my day! (Working on a partnership, parents/entertainers joint return with a dozen K-1s and three Schedule Cs and multiple states, plus two college kids that worked in multiple states.)